#BlogPost: She seduced me by Abimbola Abiola (@AbimbolaAbiolaa)

I came across these cases from Akwa Ibom and Lagos, about a 60, 29 and 20 years' old men who were arrested for rape and of how they told law enforcers that they were lured by their alleged victim's sexy behaviour.

So often when people hear this type of defense, some of them will rant about how girls are too sexy these days and therefore bringing sexual assaults upon themselves. This way of thinking is dead wrong. We've always said it, no girl or woman no matter how sexy she is or how she dresses brings sexual assaults upon herself.

This mindboggling cases should also remind us that this type of excuse is just that, an excuse and not a cause.

Their alleged victims were 8, 9 and 11 years old! Imagine.

If this doesn't shock you into letting go of the 'she seduced me' myth, then maybe hearing that this excuse was used by a convicted child abuser when the victim (his daughter) was only three years old, will have you seeing this lie for what it is.

A rationalization for a heinous crime.

So the question then becomes: will you support the rationalization of rapists or will you stand against these rationalizations and put the blame for rape where it belongs-on the rapist?

Share your thoughts via @StandtoEndRape on Twitter. Thanks for reading.

Shout Out to a Survivor By Ejura Salihu

I should have written this a few weeks ago but circumstances delayed this article, I hope its not late to pay tribute to an icon of strength, the survivor we all know too well, Late Maya Angelou. I would not claim to be an avid reader of her poems and her works but I love all the ones I have read and I can't deny the sheer strength that oozes through each masterpiece. I feel a sense of pride reading her struggles and survival. Raped at a tender age of 8, she lost her voice for a while but when she found her voice and spoke, the world listened till the end of her life and we are all still listening. 

Not all victims of rape find their voice immediately, most need time to heal internally before speaking out. I use this medium to encourage all victims of abuse wherever they may be, please heal, take your time, but when your find your strength and voice, don't let it be bullied into silence. You deserve justice, you deserve to be heard. The culture of rape can only be broken if the culture of silence is broken.

Save a Girl, Save a Nation By Emeka D. Azubuike

The issue of building a strong, viable and peaceful nation is one major clamor in our present world order; and for it to be said that a nation is working to a certain level, every sector or  challenge must be overcome. Some areas must be put into full consideration and attention in  measuring the viability of nations. One of such area is the security of citizens especially those who have limited ability to protect themselves like our girls and women.

Gender Based Violence is one menace that is prevalent in our society yet given little attention.  The differential a classification of women in the society as against men has made it possible for them to experience such acts of violence and discrimination. Such acts ranging from domestic violence, girl child trafficking, child labour, rape, assault, deprivation of education, child marriage, genital mutilation and many more that are not known to the society.

Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Marriages?

As I sat to watch a movie called "Unforgivable," I saw a man who raped and physically abused his wife. This got me thinking '...what was going on?' When did it become acceptable for men to rape their wives? Why are women so quiet about sexual violence? Is it the fear of losing their marriage or because society has taught women to be quiet about such an incident?

Society itself contributes to this menace. Women are mostly not given the opportunity to air their opinion in marriage (even in this present age). They are seen as second class citizens, humans below men, fragile beings and sometimes as mere properties men purchased -- through bride price. This has relegated women to taking the back position. A position where women don't see the need to #SpeakOut.

Women have to change the way they view themselves. Hey, the way you view and place yourself is the way a man will handle you. Women must gain the confidence to express themselves in marriage. Marriage is a partnership, it isn't a one man venture. It has been said countless times, "if a man hits you once, he will hit you again." It is amazing when women stay in abusive marriages in the name of "He will change." What if he never changes? Are you going to keep hoping until he beats life out of you?

Women it is time to stop hiding under the disguise of been a faithful wife/spouse. An abusive marriage has nothing to do with humility and reverence for your spouse. If he hits you, #SpeakOut, talk to organisations that (you know) can help you or better still pray. If worse comes to worse; take to your heels before he takes your life. This is your year to walk in your freedom, don't be under the shackles of commitment by staying in a marriage that could possibly end your life. We are however not asking women to divorce their husbands or abandon their homes, we are only asking that they don't suffer in silence.

This is a call on women. It's time to #SpeakOut, take back your freedom.

Cultural Context of Domestic Violence amongst Africans in the Diaspora

Relationships and family lives are often glossed up by society and the media as though that is the reality for everyone, yet if we really held the mirror closer against our own society, a disturbing picture of abuse and sometimes violent reality emerges. In the midst of all this are children, who in the absence of any structured and meaningful love and guidance at home, go on to develop mal-adaptive behaviors that will shape their lives and personalities as they develop.

In turn parents may develop poor, authoritative parenting skills, or plain abuse and neglect as the ripple effect of this trauma begins to manifest itself into complex family problems. Some of the effects of this trauma will have lifetime effects and reproduce themselves in future generations.

Over the years I have heard comments such as ‘why doesn’t she just leave’ or stereotypical comments such as ‘that’s how African men treat women.’ Some of these comments are silent; some come from within ourselves, and some from within our own African communities. Although there is a wide body of initiatives and guidelines to further our knowledge on domestic violence, in fact very little is known or has been explored about the context in which African women and men suffer domestic violence.

Rape: How Society Encourages Rather Than Limits It by Manuel Adesola

As a nation, one of the growing menaces to human co-existence, and at large peaceful relationship is the issue of RAPE. Nigeria as a country is not in isolation to this menace and no single person or family is. If you are not the victim, you will know one; maybe because the victim is a family or a friend. Perhaps maybe not so closely, but on the pages of papers and on tabloids you would read about such cases. Directly or indirectly, every issue of rape affects everyone. The trauma victims go through most times tend to make them unworthy of life. Thus, every potential in them, if care is not taken, tend to remain untapped and underused. Under-utilization of potential isn’t a loss of the victim or her family alone, but also of the entire world. The thought of a possible under-utilization of potentials and loss self dignity by victim becomes so painful knowing that perpetrators are not the serpent we saw in the book of Genesis in the bible, neither are they aliens from outer space, but people like you and I. So rape victims are humans and rape perpetrators are humans; both of whom live within a society. Who then is worthy to comfort a victim since those inflicting pains live in the same society with them and who should bring perpetrators to book?

Sex Education Part 2

We started a session on sex education (check HERE) and this is the concluding part. It's important to ensure we are enlightened and have adequate information to educate our little girls. Hope this is helpful.

#8: It is always advisable you go through any new material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

A Girl Molested at a Tender Age Takes To Twitter & Lays it All Out

                                                  

To have been raped is enough pain, but worst of all is to be raped by someone you love -- father, brother or even neighbour. This rape survivors takes to twitter to share her experience of being sexually molested at a tender age. Some people have said this is fake, but we thought to share it with you. Will someone go all out just to fake this? Let us know what you think. See more tweets after the cut...

The Battle of Sexes by Abimbola Abiola

I grew up in an environment where the girls were ordered not to talk when the elders did. It was a sin to share your opinion, argue your thoughts in actuality we had no right or freedom of speech. We were meant to act dumb even though we had active minds. Obedience meant silence, silence wasn’t an option, it was forcibly imposed, it was part of our lives; you abide by this makes you an obedient child, you don’t and there's an unfortunate stigma attached to your name.

Rape: The Victim, Society & Breaking the Silence.

One day at lunch, a group of four young men seated by me were having a discussion about a rape video. They chatted so loudly about it I had no problem tuning my ears for better reception. Any ways, even though they had no knowledge of the perpetrator and victim, they spoke as if they did. All except one agreed that the lady deserved what she got and was to be blamed. The lady represented a case study related to their own experiences.

I listened as they bragged about their rape escapades giving counts of the number of girls they'd raped as proofs. Some were hailed for ‘doing’ more than the others. To them, rape is an act of dominance and gaining control over difficult unwilling girls ––  it's used punish and degrade them.

#Nigeria: Farmer Bags 15 years Imprisonment for Raping Minor in #Jigawa

Wonders shall never end! Apparently some farmers cultivate both crops and under aged girls, how despicable! Instead of brainstorming on strategies to help our agricultural sector, they are working on destroying a girl's future. We'll come say hello in the prison sir!  Read more on the farmer's story...

The Punch reports that a Hadejia High Court in Jigawa on Wednesday sentenced a 25-year-old farmer, Umar Yakubu, to 15-year imprisonment, without an option of fine, for raping an eight-year-old girl.

FIDA Advises Against Out-of-Court Settlement

Photo Credit: NAN

We totally agree with the Chairperson, International Federation of Women Lawyers, Bayelsa chapter, Mrs Pere Egbuson, who has urged rape victims to reject-out-of court settlement. We believe that out-of-court settlement is not only doing rape survivors no justice, it buys their voice.

Egbuson made the call in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria in Yenagoa.

Manchester Sex Attacks: Police Release Teens Arrested over University Campus

Independent News released the news that two teenagers arrested over a series of "appalling" sex attacks near one of the UK's biggest university campuses have been released.

Police said the pair must return and face questions again yesterday, and have appealed to the public for more information.

The 14-year-old boy and 18-year-old man were arrested in connection with three attacks around Manchester University in September and October.

Police yesterday released an e-fit image of the offender, in an attempt to stop him before the crimes escalate in seriousness.