Why Every Hour Matters for Post-Rape Care: The Story of Maureen Phiri

Photo above: Ambassador Catherine Russell and Maureen Phiri

“I was raped, got HIV from the rape, and when I tried to tell my family, they told me to shut my mouth.”

Those chilling words were spoken by 20-year-old Maureen Phiri from Lilongwe, Malawi. As one of the speakers at Together for Girls’ (TfG) “Every Hour Matters for Post-Rape Care” event, which was in collaboration with the World Health Organization at the United Nations Women’s Commission on the Status of Women in March, Phiri courageously spoke about her sexual assault at age 11 and her advocacy to end sexual violence in Malawi and beyond. Sitting alongside representatives from various governmental and UN agencies including Malawi’s Minister of Gender, Children, Disability, and Social Welfare, the Honorable Patricia Kaliati and United States Ambassador-at-Large for Global Women’s Issues Catherine Russell, Phiri told the audience that the man who assaulted her took advantage of her because her family was poor.

“Madame Minister [Kaliati], that man took advantage of me because my family was not well-doing”, she said, her voice breaking, as she was overcome with emotion.

“I was only 11 years old, Madame Minister, only 11,” Phiri said. “He would buy my family food, and I lived with him and his wife, but when she would leave, he raped and harassed me.”

“I kept it to myself, and did not tell anyone but then I was found living with HIV,” she said. “I did not get HIV anywhere else but through rape.”

After telling the audience the horrific details of her experience, Phiri was met with a standing ovation; her story moving many in the room to tears, with Minister Kaliati rising to hug Phiri in a comforting and emotional embrace.

What to Do After #Rape in Nigeria by Morenike Fajemisin (@Pharmacistreny)

Rape is one form of sexual assault and a terrible act that has defied understanding of the reasons of the rapist. It has also defied any of the ‘tips’ people give for helping future victims prevent it. Rape is when a person(s) has sex with an unwilling person. Sex should always be consensual, that is, it must happen between willing parties. Any sex with a person who struggles to escape you or lies there begging you to stop is Rape. Because most rape victims are women, I’d like to focus this article where the shoe pinches most. In most developed countries, there are (numerous) easily accessible Sexual Assault Referral Centers you can easily locate and run to for help but this is not the case in Nigeria. I hope to at least guide you through 3 steps that can help you avoid some physical scars so you can move on and be a survivor.

I am yet to hear if a rapist who used a condom and while there are just as many emotional and psychological scars as there are physical scars after rape, here are three DIY steps after rape.

#OpeEd: Let’s talk about Rape by Joel Oseiga Aleburu; @JoelOseiga.

I woke up planning to write about my weekend trip to Abuja and about how the sole of my shoe removed at a park in the middle of town only to see a tweet by an on air personality blaming rape on indecent dressing on the part of the ladies. I am just mad right now! So why not let’s discuss RAPE! The truth about RAPE is you never know how delicate and sensitive the matter is until someone you love experiences it. The story of the girl that was gang raped by five boys in ABSU made news both nationally and internationally years ago. What was her offence? She insulted one of the boys. We live in a cruel world but the truth is the Nigerian society encourages rape!

You don’t go about blaming rape on a girl that dressed “indecently”! Come to think of it, decent dressing is relative! There is no world known standard for what dresses are decent! The issue shouldn’t be “them rape you! Watin you wear??” Most people who get raped end up wallowing in silence because of the stigmatization attached. Nobody wants to hear her side (Does she even have a side in the first place?) ! Let me share a story I read some time ago.

Is the devil to Blame? by @AbimbolaAbiolaa

(Image curled from www.femmehub.com)

Punch Metro has a post about a recent child rape case.

"The boy named Thompson who lived with his family on Oremeji Street had complained about pains in his anus while his mother identified as Adenike Ejigbo gave him a bath. The boy told his mother the man, Amusa Ganiu lured him to a place where he allegedly penetrated his anus. The mother was said to have raised the alarm after which the matter was reported at Alakuko police division"

So what happened to the suspect?

"The lagos state deputy police public relations officer, ASP Aliyu Giwa confirmed the arrest and according to what a police source told their correspondent the suspect didn't deny the incident, he BLAMED THE DEVIL"

At the start of my read which didn't have the same headline as above, I already suspected this typical shift of blame which is frequently given by rapists and criminals who plead guilty to their crimes with a "but" would spring up. This sick excuse demonstrates again that those who commit child rape are committing crimes which came from the brain and multiple deliberate decisions than a "devil" driven compulsion committed by out of control human beings.

Offenders like Amusa committed these crimes because they want to and are meant to take full responsibility for it.


Blaming the devil is not a valid justification for the crime, rape is rape and it is inexcusable.

#BlogPost: She seduced me by Abimbola Abiola (@AbimbolaAbiolaa)

I came across these cases from Akwa Ibom and Lagos, about a 60, 29 and 20 years' old men who were arrested for rape and of how they told law enforcers that they were lured by their alleged victim's sexy behaviour.

So often when people hear this type of defense, some of them will rant about how girls are too sexy these days and therefore bringing sexual assaults upon themselves. This way of thinking is dead wrong. We've always said it, no girl or woman no matter how sexy she is or how she dresses brings sexual assaults upon herself.

This mindboggling cases should also remind us that this type of excuse is just that, an excuse and not a cause.

Their alleged victims were 8, 9 and 11 years old! Imagine.

If this doesn't shock you into letting go of the 'she seduced me' myth, then maybe hearing that this excuse was used by a convicted child abuser when the victim (his daughter) was only three years old, will have you seeing this lie for what it is.

A rationalization for a heinous crime.

So the question then becomes: will you support the rationalization of rapists or will you stand against these rationalizations and put the blame for rape where it belongs-on the rapist?

Share your thoughts via @StandtoEndRape on Twitter. Thanks for reading.

#16Days: Bear with Me by Fatou Wurie (@thefatoublog).

BEAR WITH ME: FOR SIERRA LEONE

SONG:



[Bear with me

Bear with me

Bear with me

Teday teday teday

Mama yooooooooo

Den dey cam den dey cam

Mama den dey cam

Den dey cam]




My dreams are still realities that nestle in profanities

As I smell blood they extract from limbs in deadened streams.

The red sea cries, as Babylon sails, but I’m in salone.

Sweet sweet salone teday

Where assailed voices don’t pass Freetown.

So I’m asking freed slaves to come chain me take me away.

Freed slaves come chain and take me away,

To a land where pain isn’t gain

And rain isn’t placed into the fast lane

Of destruction



SONG [Maaama yoo



Mamama yooooo

Sweet salone

Den dey de diee ohhhhhhhhh]

My mother’s bosom warm with security

Rocks me back and forth forth and back

gestating me back to reality, but my body has memory.

The day they divided my legs....

they forced my honeycomb to burst – explode.

They Shot papa - I say I dey yerie yerie - Uncle done run away to green bushe.

Mama mama cam cam cam

So mama rocks me to the present, present, present

Be here in the present

She soothes and says

na dream you dey dream dream deam

But it feels so damn real that this might be my last meal

paradise don gone na sweet sweet salone.

-

See people ask me all the time isn’t it the place

where diamonds reside?

How is it going by the way?

Last time I checked it wasn’t safe

You know, like there are problems there

I then ask....

-

Where where you when they asked me

Short sleeve or long sleeve

Asked me to love a part of me?

Where were you

When they bitched slapped me

And asked raped or pounded

My dear which will you be?

Where were you

When they burnt

Houses down?

Where were you when they burnt schools down?

Intellects and judges down?

Children and brightened dreams down?

Disempowered minds

Political turnarounds

Left all of us in the dogpound

Bear with me when I cry in the night

Bear with me if I’m still angry deep in side

Bear with me if I smoke to escape

Or if I drink to daydream peacefully..

Bear with me when I freak out in bed

Bear with me when my heart violates to be heard

Bear with me when I scream.

Sweet salone salone

Bear with me

Our stories are spilling.

Sweet salone salone

Bear with me

Death is still grieving.

Den say den day den say salone pikin

Una cam back Una cam Una back cam back

salone pikin dem

Una came back

Una forget!

Una forgive!

Bear with me if I cannot forget

Bear with me if I cannot forgive

For My body, his body, her body, our bodies, my body....

has memory.

Bear with me (3 Times).

Fatou Wurie is a writer, blogger, gender advocate amongst other things. She uses her writings to address social issues as it affects women and children. She is the Founder of The Survivors Dream Project, an organization charged with empowering survivors of  Ebola with life skills. You can read more of her work at www.thefatoublog.com

Featured Post: #Rape is About Power, Not Dress Style by SAMIRA SAWLANI (@samirasawlani)

One would think that a youth affairs minister in any country would be an individual who could be held up as an example to all those youngsters that he or she serves.

According to a Daily Monitor article, Minister Kibuule (a Ugandan Minister) suggests that when a rape is reported, the police should assess how the victim was dressed.

Should it be found that she was wearing miniskirts, tight jeans, bikinis or other ‘indecent’ items, the aggressor should be freed. This trend of ‘victim blaming’ has become a sickness which seems to have taken over the world.

For many years civil society organisations, the media and survivors of rape have spoken out about the treatment by authorities and the police, of women who report a rape.

Rose, (name changed), is 32. Weeks before she was due to get married, she boarded a taxi home at 9pm. as she alighted and began the two-minute walk to her house, three men followed her and began making inappropriate remarks.

One put his hand on her mouth and pulled her into the bush on the side of the road. What followed was a harrowing ordeal where she was pushed to the ground, the first man forcing himself upon her, his weight making it impossible for her to move while his hand covered her mouth.

Poem on #Rape: For Her by Fatou Wurie (@theFatoublog)

FOR HER

This poem is for the girl who like a missing tooth was invisibly visible, 

Left on the sidewalk to cascade heated tears so hard it made sun skip shine for the day. 

This poem is for the girl who is too thick, so slick, to thin, to smart, to pretty, too un-pretty too colored, too black, too white, too brown, too woman all too soon. 

This poem is for the girl whose front tooth like the future that lies between the past and present stood gaped and half full. 

This poem is for the girl whose color was too dark like the marmite spread her mama would saturate on white bread, 

Her mahogany skin not wanted

Shunned in the nicest way possible 

Exotic but not normal Tolerated but not honored

Accepted but not loved

This poem is for her bleached dreams. 

- 

These words are for the girl whose body was too supple and refined

a girl’s soul cased in a woman’s body 

as he rubbed himself on her insiders 

softly at first, leisurely as he pleasured him self-only.

Kneaded her tits like bread-dough,

divided her legs like the second coming of Moses between red waters for his pleasure-only. 

Press Release: Stand to End Rape Initiative Partners with The Eight Foundation

As a means of expanding and providing more referral centers for survivors of sexual violence, on Wednesday, April 22nd 2015, the Stand to End Rape Initiative team, a leading non-profit organization promoting sexual rights and reproductive health and providing FREE legal, medical and psychological help to survivors of sexual violence visited The Eight Foundation in Lekki Phase 1.

The Eight Foundation is an initiative of Miss Nigeria, Ezinne Akudo and aims at providing a platform where rape survivors can get succor. The rape crisis center has trained psychologists who can counsel both and adult and children survivors.

The centre provides free counselling to survivors and also has a partnership with Easy Taxi to pick the survivors up from any location at no extra cost.

The Executive Director of Stand to End Rape Initiative, Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi expressed her delight to partner with The Eight Foundation and hopes that survivors will embrace this opportunity to speak out.

If you have been raped or abused and need someone to talk to, we are here. Please contact Stand to End Rape Initiative via -

Phone: 08095967000
Email: contactus@standtoendrape.org
           standtoendrape@gmail.com.

You can also conenct with us via our social media platforms -

Twitter: www.Twitter.com/standtoendrape
Facebook: www.fb.com/StandtoEndRape
Instagram: www.Instagram.com/StandtoEndRape

Opinion: Rape and a Few Underlying Issues by @AAABORODE

There is no justification for rape, but we can achieve a significant plus when we cut off 

the extreme indecent dressing rampant nowadays. It is also a significant tool used by the 

perpetrators / rapists to cower their victims into believing it was their fault.

The sudden increase in the number of rape cases in recent times is not just alarming but scary! We are fast becoming regular victims of mentally derailed predators and the war seem like it’s just getting started.

The act of rape isn’t humane; and I see it as an act carried out by people with very low self-esteem and very sad lives. Unfortunately ladies and children are the major victims of these atrocious acts; they are subjected to the forceful act and end up being psychologically damaged for most parts of their lives.

Rape has resulted in cases of abortion, death of many either by suicide or murder and it has sent many to psychiatrist homes. It has aided the spread of sexually transmitted infections and paralyzed the dreams of many. Our environment hasn’t been just to the victims of these barbaric acts.

The victims, in most cases have been left to live in fear and turmoil. They have been made to look like outcasts and their burden has been derided as ‘normal’. We as a people need to understand that no one deserves to be raped and we should help these victims fight the war. The dangers of not helping are countless and it may end up knocking on your door if you think it hasn’t gotten to the grave end yet.

Marital Rape in #Nigeria: My Perspective by Oluwatoyin Ogungbayi

Rape is one, if not the most under-reported and consequently under-prosecuted violent crime. Whether perpetrated by a stranger, an acquaintance or an intimate partner; it produces the most disappointing outcomes if prosecuted. Rape cases are often grueling, emotionally daunting for the victim, a crime of immense cruelty, which demands an enormous emphasis on proof in a court of law.

A quick examination of what rape is:

Rape is anal, oral or vaginal sex without consent. Therefore non-consensual anal, oral or vaginal penetration by a person’s spouse is marital or spousal rape.

Discussions around Marital Rape are guarded, sensitive and often unconcluded in the minds of many. Indeed in some societies some are of the position that it is culturally impossible to accuse a man of raping his wife. The popular belief is that spouses-especially the wife belongs to her husband and he can do as he pleases when he pleases and how he pleases so much so that it is unthinkable to suggest that a husband can rape his wife.

I however beg to differ by emphasizing the fact that the most crucial element of rape is the absence of consent. The relationship between the perpetrator and the victim does not take precedence over this ultimate factor of consent. Does it not therefore follow that lack of consent in marriage is rape? Rape remains rape as long as lack of consent is an element and Marital Rape is a despicable reality that affects a fair share of women whether or not it is spoken about and acknowledged.

Examining Martial Rape in the Nigerian context, we must understand the integral role power plays. Powerlessness for women and power for men is portrayed in Marital Rape because power gives the perpetrator the privilege of control of the victim’s body, absolute control to take, regardless of the victim’s willingness. It is used to punish, exert control over the victim and prove masculinity. This control is given, sustained and strengthened by patriarchy. Given that the society is an enabler of the rape culture through power and the dominance of men in the private and public spheres, it follows that a marital rapist believes that he owns his wife, a property that can be used anytime he pleases however he pleases; he believes also that sex is owed him by his wife. The prevalence of child marriage clearly depicts this unequal power relations and the way marital rape is enabled by the society. This sense of entitlement by marital rapists renders consent null and may be an indication that such men through socialization can also commit stranger rape. If so, the society can indeed be more dangerous for women than we thought.

Dear Rapist by @AyodejiOsowobi

Dear rapist,

Sure you are feeling cool with yourself right now. You have dehumanized another at the expense of your own pleasure. You have hurt another person to make yourself happy. How do you feel now? Are you proud of yourself and expecting an award? Well, we have a message for you, no you didn't win. Those you have sexually molested are now 'survivors' and are speaking up.

Bisi is just a young girl. Her fault for being raped was trusting you. Yes, you were her favourite uncle and she loved to be wrapped in your arms. I believe you felt the 5-year-old busy was 'feeling you.' She wanted you and couldn't say it...

Some excuses are beyond comprehension, How would you feel if she were to be your daughter? Oh wait, some men actually rape their daughters!

Wondering why the image? Well, I met a lady who shared her story with me. "I blessed the day I came into this world because my mother bore me to you. I smiled when you tossed me in the air and said "my baby girl." I was proud to be called that. But today, can I say thesame? You have taken my innocence because you couldn't control your sexual urge. Now, I am a sex addict. Will anyone listen to me when I say a 28-year-old me is addicted to sex because her father molested her? Will they see it from my point of view that I was launched into a sexual world that I wasn't ready for or will they just see me as a slut. That doesn't hurt. What hurts the most is that I have AIDS." she said.

Well, the goodnews is, she got help. You can get help. There are psychologists and (wo)men who help people in your situation. This is a problem you shouldn't be ashamed of. Speak up just like she did about being raped and she has moved with life just fine.

You might feel victmised, but getting help is the best for you. It's better to be free on the inside than cause pain to others and you remain in pain as well. We are angry about your acts, but have forgiven you.

Please speak to Praise Fowowe on 08037269483 and he will help you. He won't judge you as well. When we know you can't harm any other girl out there, she will be fine -- somewhat.

For rape survivors, please do speak up. Your rapist will only win if you don't break the silence. You can speak to us via 08095967000.

Opinion Ed: The 'Beastly' Abusers by @AbimbolaAbiolaa

Given the recent topics of conversations and the outpouring of comments, the subject of rape, spousal violence and abuse comes up frequently on social media platforms. I think that there are a lot of places people come from on the subjects, especially labeling perpetrators as beasts/monsters. So I thought I'd do a little polling with my own interpretation.

Now one of the things that I sometimes struggle with -- and I'm sure that I'm not alone -- is the way that we tend to dehumanize the perpetrators of violence. It's something that I've noticed in the past, and I would not to do it anymore, but it still happens. There's a tendency in conversations about abuse to start thinking of the perpetrators as beasts. It's a very intentional sentiment, there are plenty of sexist, transphobic, homophobic, or otherwise bigoted progressives.

The fact is, even the best of us are only human. Equally important: even the worst of us are human.

Dear Diary: Rape Took Kode's Life by @Toyin1Coker

On the day Kode was raped, I was shattered!!! Not just because she was my best friend, but because I could have protected her… It’s been 7 years already, 7 very tough years but I remember vividly just like it was yesterday. My scars are re-opened each time I read, hear or see a rape victim because I see a part of Kode in them.

***

On that sunny afternoon, Kode and I just finished swimming at our local pool in our not so elite community, arguing over a bar of chocolate as we walked back home. I noticed some guys walk very briskly towards us and immediately I told her, let’s run! But you know Kode… she is very strong headed she refused… "the streets should be safe enough for us to walk through without getting hurt” she said. I sense danger kode, but she won’t listen. 

As they approached us I ran leaving my best friend behind. As I raced as fast as my feet could take, I heard screams and pleas, it was Kode! And she was in great danger, but I couldn’t stop, my adrenaline rush would not let me. As I got into the compound our families share, our mothers ran out ‘’What happened? Where is your sister? They asked?’’ (We were called sisters, even twins) she’s in danger at quaver street I said. I watched our mothers wail as they ran off. Immediately, I felt a deep sense of guilt, I could not have ran without her. We could have faced them together.

Raped TWICE! First by a Perpetrator, Second by a Doctor. Zainab Brown (@AdunniBrown) Speaks

(Photo credit: The ViewsPaper)

The second rape I’m referring to in my title is not literal assault by a ‘doctor’ but more so an emotional and mental assault of a sexual assault survivor seeking help from doctors, lawyers and other systems providers. And most times, their friends, families and community members.

Sexual assault is perhaps the only crime in which its victims are victimized first by their attackers and second by legal, medical, and mental health systems (i.e. lawyers, psychologists and nurses) and even members of their communities. This secondary victimization or even “second rape” prohibits survivors of rape1 from thoroughly recovering and in addition perpetuate the idea that a rape survivor, male or female (although statistics show that women are succumbed to rape more than men), is to blame rather than the attacker. Campbell and Raja (1999)2 define secondary victimization as behaviors and attitudes of social service providers that are "victim-blaming" and insensitive, and which traumatize victims of violence who are being served by legal, medical, and mental health systems. This “second rape” by those meant to support survivors, in turn trivializes the crime and results in apathetic and discriminating attitudes towards sexual assault survivors.

Losing Your Virginity to Rape

Being raped, regardless of the circumstances, is always traumatic. Losing your virginity to rape can add an extra layer of pain to an already horrific experience. A person’s virginity can be precious to them in many ways and the impact of its loss through rape can be particularly devastating.

Loss

The losing of your virginity has always been significant within most cultures and in today’s society it has become an important rite of passage. Choosing to lose your virginity is seen as an important life event and in western society it plays a large role in many films, T.V. shows and books. If you have lost your virginity to rape then you have been cheated out of making this important choice for yourself and that is a huge loss.

Anyone who has been raped will experience a sense of loss over what happened to them. Being raped can make a person feel that they have lost a part of themselves as well as feeling a loss of control over what happened to their body. Adding the loss of your virginity to this can feel really overwhelming. The loss can be so much bigger than just physically losing your virginity. Many people hold onto their virginity with the hope that they will one day be able to give it to someone special. Some may have been keeping it for their husband or wife, while others may have been waiting for the right person to come into their lives. Whatever you were waiting for, having your virginity taken from you through rape also means that you loose this dream.

Real Rape: What Nobody is Telling You

He ignored me. He betrayed me. He broke me into a million pieces. It was as if someone had cut me open, slashed deeply into each of my organs and stitched me back up again to live a nightmare-bleeding from the inside out. I didn’t know I had become a statistic for a crime that you never hear about.

We, as a society, hear the word rape and picture a woman being attacked in a dark alley by some drifter. We, as media-educated drones, envision a college co-ed going to a party and being assaulted by a gang of frat boys. We, as women, imagine some sicko holding a knife to our throats to get what he wants. Is that rape? You bet. But, all those scenarios account only a few percentage of the cases reported.

That leaves 72%* of rapes that don’t fit the stereotype. Huh? How can we not know what most rapes are like? That doesn’t make any sense. What we know as rape isn’t the majority. Why? How can it be that so many rapes committed aren’t what we know rape to be? No one wants to talk about real rape. No one wants to put it out there for discussion. No one wants to admit that our society has a large majority of rapes that are unspeakable, let alone unthinkable. Or even worse, society just doesn’t think the majority is as bad as the stereotype. If that’s the case, we’re dead wrong-every last one of us.

THE MONSTER CALLED RAPE

I guess that my difficulty in being able to write about women related themes in my writings stemmed from the fact that when I had grown to the level of self-realisation, my mother who could properly guide me through the mountainous range of knowing and appreciating the opposite sex was no more of this earth, or perhaps because I never grew with a female sibling, or even maybe, because I grew up in a conventional Nigerian family , ferociously grounded in morals, where it would amount to a taboo for a man to ever think of stooping so low to the level of a woman (Infact, God help you if Papa should as much as catch you innocently daydreaming about the opposite sex).

I had methodically embarked on a joyous voyage of Thank-God-I-Am-A-Man themed writings. A moment of introspection had awakened in me and opened my eyes to the wonders and amazing world of being a woman. A task which I will not set out here, but suffice it to say that being a woman is a very beautiful experience. That sadly seems to be on a sharp decline as evinced from the various acts of violence against women. Questions after question continually barraged my mind. What if my future wife was someone who had undergone the damaging and traumatising effects of being raped? What if I am nowhere to be found tomorrow, what will be the fate of my future daughters in a world of prejudiced values against women? What if my only sister, had she been alive, grows to become a victim of rape? Worst of all, what if I had been born a girl, who could tell, if I wouldn't have experienced such traumatic moments of being dehumanised and downgraded? As these unanswered questions kept nagging at me, I found myself invariably departing from mainstream Collins; trademark Arikor, who naturally is stone-hearted when it comes to matters concerning the opposite sex. Because whichever way you decide to look at it, the issue of rape touches us all in one way or the other. And then an inner voice told me it was time to wear the shoes of rape victims so as to feel how it pinches; it was time to lend my voice to the dastardly act of rape. This monster called rape.

Rape Goes Both Ways by Buki Otuyemi

As far-fetched as it may sound to many, men and boys do get raped too. Rape is all shades of evil and it is especially hard and traumatic on the victims. One would find it difficult to visualize how men get raped given their physical stature and strength compared to women but the fact remains that men have been disarmed in the past by women (and other men) and raped.

I recall hearing a story when I just got into the university, about how a bunch of ladies raped a randy lecturer that had been sexually harassing a younger student. Also, I have been reading about men being raped in places like South Africa, Europe, etc for many years now. Male-rape have been going on for a long time and while they are not as rampant as female-rape, the devastating trauma the victims go through are not to be trivialized.

Recently in Russia, a 27-year-old female hair-stylist knocked out a 32-year-old would-be male burglar who tried to rob her shop and then tied him up. She was skilled in martial arts and was able to knock him out and subdue him with her skills. She plied him with viagra and raped him several times for three days before releasing him.

Victim Blaming Sends Mixed Messages to Perpetrators by Abimbola Abiola

On a radio talk show centred on rape, a caller who identified himself as a lawyer and rape and domestic abuse advocate shared a rape case about a girl who was gang raped at a party.

"I mean, she must be very stupid to go to the party in the first place" He said.

Several callers supported the lawyer's statement, some said she deserved it, after all a reasonable girl would know not to attend a night party hence she was to blame. Two callers even referred to the victim as 'foolish girl'. None of them bothered to ask/mentioned her rapists. This caught me off guard.

So, Lately I've been thinking about these laments against 'stupid' or 'foolish' victims by people who claim to be against rape and domestic abuse. These laments are at best hopelessly naive. At worst, they are callous statements which support rape and domestic abuse and help perpetrators justify or minimize their actions.

Typically there is more disdain in these laments directed at victims and potential victims that gets directed at perpetrators and potential perpetrators. When they get called on this, they will often justify directing their harshest statements at victims by labelling perpetrators as monsters incapable of learning.