Rape: How Society Encourages Rather Than Limits It by Manuel Adesola

As a nation, one of the growing menaces to human co-existence, and at large peaceful relationship is the issue of RAPE. Nigeria as a country is not in isolation to this menace and no single person or family is. If you are not the victim, you will know one; maybe because the victim is a family or a friend. Perhaps maybe not so closely, but on the pages of papers and on tabloids you would read about such cases. Directly or indirectly, every issue of rape affects everyone. The trauma victims go through most times tend to make them unworthy of life. Thus, every potential in them, if care is not taken, tend to remain untapped and underused. Under-utilization of potential isn’t a loss of the victim or her family alone, but also of the entire world. The thought of a possible under-utilization of potentials and loss self dignity by victim becomes so painful knowing that perpetrators are not the serpent we saw in the book of Genesis in the bible, neither are they aliens from outer space, but people like you and I. So rape victims are humans and rape perpetrators are humans; both of whom live within a society. Who then is worthy to comfort a victim since those inflicting pains live in the same society with them and who should bring perpetrators to book?

Rape: Your Fault?

For the purpose of this blog, we will be going with the International Criminal Tribunal of Rwanda’s definition of rape. It defines rape as a physical invasion of a sexual nature committed on a person under circumstances which are coercive. So rape as far this blog is concerned is not only about forced sexual intercourse but about sexual abuse whether penetration is involved or not. It also takes into account the fact that rape may not always be violent.

Dear Raped yet Unashamed and Dignified (RUD), one truth you should realise is that getting raped wasn’t your fault! I hear a lot of people say things like “What if the lady dressed provocatively?” Do animals wear clothes? Aren’t all their ‘goodies’ hanging out for the whole world to see? I am yet to see any animal rape another animal in all my years of existence. A comparison between man and animal may not be the best but I’m just saying: “Can we take a cue from them?” Some others will ask why was the lady where she was at that time. Some others say the lady must have given a sort of come-on to the man. If all these reasons/excuses were valid, then little children or ladies who are well covered up and don’t go to ‘dangerous’ places will never get raped. But that isn’t the case, is it?

Rape: The Victim, Society & Breaking the Silence.

One day at lunch, a group of four young men seated by me were having a discussion about a rape video. They chatted so loudly about it I had no problem tuning my ears for better reception. Any ways, even though they had no knowledge of the perpetrator and victim, they spoke as if they did. All except one agreed that the lady deserved what she got and was to be blamed. The lady represented a case study related to their own experiences.

I listened as they bragged about their rape escapades giving counts of the number of girls they'd raped as proofs. Some were hailed for ‘doing’ more than the others. To them, rape is an act of dominance and gaining control over difficult unwilling girls ––  it's used punish and degrade them.

Things to Say to Someone Who Has Been Raped

Hello guys, in line with other articles on how to help rape survivors read HERE and HERE, this is about things you should say to a rape survivor. Using these words helps them and also shows that you understand what they have been through. Use them, abuse them (you are only permitted to abuse in this case, lol!) and help someone out there. Have a fab week!

Words to say...

How to Recover from a Rape/Sexual Assault

When a person is raped or sexually assaulted, his or her world is turned upside down. Not only has he or she been violated in the most intimate way possible, he or she has to heal from the assault. But...how? Society is still afraid to talk openly about a rape or sexual assault; people may not know how to approach the rape victim - afraid to say the wrong thing.

Every person who has been sexually violated responds differently to the crime - some become horribly depressed while others become very angry. All emotions are fair responses to a rape or sexual assault.

Here are a list of tips for talking to a rape victim as well as how to help yourself recover from a rape or sexual assault. Note that for the purposes of this resource, we are using rape and sexual assault interchangeably.

                              How To Recover From A Rape/Sexual Assault:

If you have been the victim of a rape or sexual assault, you may not know how to feel normal again. You may feel that the emotional pain of a rape or sexual assault will never go away. You may feel shame, depression, anxiety and fear after the attack. No matter how you feel, know that things will become better, you will learn to heal, and life will go on in your new normal.

Here are some tips for recovering from a rape or sexual assault:

Heartbreaking! Bunmi Sobowale Took to Twitter to Share Her Rape Experience

Bunmi Sobowale @Bunmicake is someone a friend on Facebook had told me about. I didn't want to push her by asking her some questions, but I am glad she finally spoke out. Survivors have to learn the power in speaking out. It is in itself therapy. See more of her tweets after the cut.

Nominate ayodejiosowobi.blogspot.com for "Best New Blog" Category In the 2013 Nigerian Blogs Awards

Hello everyone! Great News!!! Our blog has been nominated by one of our readers for the "Best New Blog" category in the Nigerian Blog Awards 2013. We are glad you love our work and thought us worthy to be nominated for an award! Show the world what the blog is about and why you read it daily by nominating us. Please continue to see how you can nominate us as well. We really need you to nominate us.

Comedy Group in #India Responds to All the ‘Stupid and Hateful Remarks’ Targeting Sexual Assault Survivors

We have the likes of Basketmouth, Bovi, Akpororo, who are really funny and I believe have a vital tool that can contribute to #EndRape. During some of their shows, they can make jokes centered around rape and just yarb (insult) rapists. I'm sure it will hurt some of them and maybe, just maybe; it will trigger their conscience. Well, since they haven't thought of the idea, a comedy group in #India, fed up with rampant victim-blaming demonstrated towards women who've been raped, decided to fight back — with comedy.