Marital Rape in #Nigeria: My Perspective by Oluwatoyin Ogungbayi

Rape is one, if not the most under-reported and consequently under-prosecuted violent crime. Whether perpetrated by a stranger, an acquaintance or an intimate partner; it produces the most disappointing outcomes if prosecuted. Rape cases are often grueling, emotionally daunting for the victim, a crime of immense cruelty, which demands an enormous emphasis on proof in a court of law.

A quick examination of what rape is:

Rape is anal, oral or vaginal sex without consent. Therefore non-consensual anal, oral or vaginal penetration by a person’s spouse is marital or spousal rape.

Discussions around Marital Rape are guarded, sensitive and often unconcluded in the minds of many. Indeed in some societies some are of the position that it is culturally impossible to accuse a man of raping his wife. The popular belief is that spouses-especially the wife belongs to her husband and he can do as he pleases when he pleases and how he pleases so much so that it is unthinkable to suggest that a husband can rape his wife.

I however beg to differ by emphasizing the fact that the most crucial element of rape is the absence of consent. The relationship between the perpetrator and the victim does not take precedence over this ultimate factor of consent. Does it not therefore follow that lack of consent in marriage is rape? Rape remains rape as long as lack of consent is an element and Marital Rape is a despicable reality that affects a fair share of women whether or not it is spoken about and acknowledged.

Examining Martial Rape in the Nigerian context, we must understand the integral role power plays. Powerlessness for women and power for men is portrayed in Marital Rape because power gives the perpetrator the privilege of control of the victim’s body, absolute control to take, regardless of the victim’s willingness. It is used to punish, exert control over the victim and prove masculinity. This control is given, sustained and strengthened by patriarchy. Given that the society is an enabler of the rape culture through power and the dominance of men in the private and public spheres, it follows that a marital rapist believes that he owns his wife, a property that can be used anytime he pleases however he pleases; he believes also that sex is owed him by his wife. The prevalence of child marriage clearly depicts this unequal power relations and the way marital rape is enabled by the society. This sense of entitlement by marital rapists renders consent null and may be an indication that such men through socialization can also commit stranger rape. If so, the society can indeed be more dangerous for women than we thought.

Shame: Poem by Tosin Adeshokan (@theOluwatosin)

SHAME


The child heavy with child.
Spited by her mates,
Shallow bastards that wouldn’t know any better.
Disgraced by the community,
Shamed by her family.
She won’t find the cure to cancer.
That future is now erased.
All she would ever be would be street fights and failed marriages.
Drugs and suicide attempts.
One day she gets lucky and kills herself,
Trying to drown the Indian movie of sadness her life has become.


But do not shame Shade
No No No! Don’t even dare!


Shame her father for being a pig!
It’s not his fault he can’t respect women!
Just like his father before him, he is a violent abusive drunk!


Shame her mother for not standing against hell she called marriage.
A fractured nose here, a non-operational black eye there.
Settling for someone beneath her because society says ‘A woman is a failure if she isn’t married’.

The Civil Society and the War against Domestic Violence by Bunmi Olaniyan

Within the last couple of weeks a lot of occurrences from the mundane to patently mind blowing has been scrolling across our collective, from continued Bringbackourgirls hash tag campaign for the Chibok girls to be rescued by Government to the comedy of the absurd playing out amongst our morally fractured political class.

Presently the 30percentornothing hash tag campaign is trending with a wide and varied series of emotional response. Some irritated others angry, while some offered whole hearted support and enthusiasm and those in between..

However apart from the frustration and anger at the perceived complacency of Government as regards a whole raft of issues, none of the news has caused as much angst and exasperation as the tweets bordering on an incident of domestic violence I read about barely few minutes ago. Since information about this particular issue is just unfolding hence we are not privy to the facts surrounding it this piece will suffice with one of equal impact hence assessment.

A couple of months ago, the flamboyant ex lawmaker Dino Melaye's partner packed out of his house due to her inability to withstand Dino's regular violence upon her person.

When "Sorry" Isn't Enough by Abimbola Abiola

I've always wanted to write on this topic but was in need of a real case point for back up, anyway last weekend the case found me. Something happened in my neighbourhood. I followed it closely while it lasted and the end of it relates with this topic. As we all know, apologizing is hard to do. It's not fun to realize that you've done something wrong. It's not a great feeling to be told that you were wrong. It's not really that great to be wrong. But the reality is that we're all human, and we're going to make mistakes and when the time comes, I think that the ability to stand up and take responsibility for our mistakes and to say "I was wrong" is really important.

But, the thing about apologies is that they don't mean anything at all if they're not sincere. Now, a lot of times, particularly if you've really screwed up, the sincerity of an apology is going to be under question. After all, if you've made a major mess of things, there are likely some hurt and/or angry people questioning you and your motives. Which is to be expected. Part of making a sincere apology is realizing that people may or may not accept your apology. If you've hurt people, they're under no obligation to read your apology and say 'Oh, well then, that's fine.'

'I Fought for My Life… And Won' by Habiba Olawale

This is of those write ups that will get you wanting to read to the end. This is another beautiful article from the stable of @abdulhabiba12. If you've missed some of her write ups, read them HERE, HERE and HERE. We hope this inspires other rape survivors. Read more...

I was gang raped 15years ago, when I was 13 years old.

Ever since that day 15years ago, I have been intensely aware of the misconceptions people have about rape, about those who rape and those who survive rape. I have also been aware of the stigma that attaches to survivors. Time and again, people have hinted that perhaps death would have been better than the loss of that precious“virginity.” I refuse to accept this. My life is worth too much to me.

Every Man Is a Rapist If... vs Every Man Is a Rapist: Correcting the Misconception

There has been a couple of derogatory messages with regards to our article titled "Every Man Is a Rapist If..." (read HERE). This a follow-up article to clear things and ensure we are not misunderstood.

Recently I've been bombarded with some ill conceived notion/comments as regards my article on "Every man is a rapist if..." In the second paragraph I wrote that "we do not want our male readers to get the wrong idea that we're declaring every man a rapist. By careful reading I expect readers to understand the message in it also that I mean no harm and yes that I'm a feminist doesn't mean I'm man-hating. Feminism has to do about equal rights for women and men not hate on men.

I want to clarify that "Every man is a rapist If..." is not the same thing as "Every man is a rapist." It doesn't mean that every man would rape if given the chance nor every man wants to rape. What it means is that a rapist do not have marks or visible signs on his foreheads to identify him as one. It means that even people within a victim circle of trust and friendship can be the very person who rapes her.

Indecent Dressing: What You Should Know by Habiba Olawale

We have been calling for articles; for people to share their thoughts with the rest of world. This is an article written by one of our team mates. Let's know what you think...

Decent dressing of course, is part of human life, because it elicits respect and protects the person’s dignity. While the antonym which is indecent dressing is a social malady that ridicules the person and is likely to shock or irritate people. It exposes parts of the body, usually sexual organs, which normally should be covered. Decent dressing by students/working class/celebrities etc attracts respect from lecturers, guards, classmates, boss, colleagues, fans etc and most importantly can go a long way to protect you from being the target of rape, sexual harassment and scandal. Even though I was well dressed when I was raped, Indecent dressing has adverse effect on a person; it brings hatred, disrespect from people.

Every Man is a Rapist If... And the Misconception Surrounding Sex/Rape by Abimbola Abiola

Last week after I was having a discussion about rape and power someone said that rapists always know that they're raping. Several people pointed out that "rape is never an accident." There was also the suggestion that rapists always know what they're doing- or, to reword it slightly, rapists know that they're rapists- they don't rape without knowing that they're raping. Personally, I'm really not completely convinced of this.

To our male readers, this is an innocuous write up, we don't want you having the wrong, that we're not saying all men are rapists, we're just about shedding more light on some misconceptions and leaving you in the state of wondering "If".

Spousal/Marital Rape: A Call for the Protection of Sexually Abused Women by Benita Esuma

The increase in rape and sexual abuse cases is alarming.It is not peculiar to any culture, sect or race; rather it isa global problem, more like a disease that has plaguedour communities. This menace needs to be nipped in the bud and eventually eradicated. This crime that has ravaged different societies for a long time and still is. Our young men rape and gang rape women, young ladies and now our underage girls. I wonder if it is a need for sexual gratification or the need to be in control.Is there really any justification for rape? The answer is NO!

Rape is a barbaric act perpetrated by individuals who lack self-control, are rejected by women or arepsychotic. Simply put, rape is the unlawful compelling of a person by physical force, coercion or duress to have sexual intercourse without the person’s consent. It could also occur by obtaining consent fraudulently, by getting the victim drunk or drugged.

How I was Raped by a Woman -- A Man Tells His Story

  

This isn't a typical rape story as you are used to. This is rare but it doesn't remove the fact that it does exist. A man has narrated how he was a rape victim. Read more after the cut

I’m not your usual victim, nor was my attacker your usual rapist. I’m one of the 9% of people who get raped who are male. And one of the 1% who was raped by a woman. I was in my early 20s, and talking online to a woman on the internet. We kind of hit it off. I decided to do cross country vacation, and she suggested I stop by, spend a few days to a week at her school, that I could ‘crash’ in her apartment before resuming my trip. That sounded ok, so when the time came, I packed up and started my road trip. In time, I was near her town, so I drove on in, gave her a phone call to get directions on just where in town her apartment was, and drove on over. 

Update: The #Indian Assam Rape Festival Isn't Real!

Hello guys, so we reported about the Assam Rape Festival yesterday (check HERE), the report reaching us from IReportersTv is that nothing like that exists. It is said that the online website that reported the story -- NATIONAL REPORT -- faked it. Is it to gain more readers or is it an attack directed at India? That we don't know! Please don't blame us, we were shocked reading the story and were anxious to share it with you. No wonder they were seriously tweeting at our twitter handle (@AyodejiOsowobi) yesterday. Despite all the curses rained on us (lol, we asked for it right?), as good Nigerians, we apologize to all the Indians out there who might have felt hated on. We didn't mean to dishonor your country, we only acted as concerned global citizens. Make una no vex oooohhh! Have a nice weekend y'all and please expect more (credible) posts! Love ya! 

What Does Dressing Have to Do with Rape?

                                                      

I've found this topic to be a controversial one especially that this is still objective -- every man to his opinion in as much we might consider the answer to be clear.

PS: let me make clear the topic as to whether dressing has to do with rape or one is not about me supporting or dissaproving. This article is centred upon my opinion and advice to youths especially rape survivors.

May I quickly express my understanding of rape and as will be used in this context:
Rape is "any form of unwanted sexual behaviour that is imposed on someone".

Ridiculous! The Assam Rape Festival In #India Has Begun This Week

This isn't only disgusting, it's shameful that a country is setting aside a festival to celebrate men raping women. I mean, in this generation where we are fighting to #EndRape, some people are celebrating the act. They even included an hotline for people who wants to participate. This one pass me, please read more. 

According to the National Report, men in India are already beginning to celebrate as the annual Assam Rape Festival is just days away. Every non-married girl age 7-16 will have the chance to flee to safety or get raped.

An Open Letter to Men

Dear men,

God made you strong, prestigious, courageous and tolerant; you are independent, you strive to make it, and you never get tired of working hard because you know you have no one to rely on but God. You have strength in you that cannot be found in any woman. I cannot overemphasize how uniquely you have been made by the creator. That is why you dominate more, God made you the leader!

I am not writing this letter just to praise you but to remind you of who you are. You are not weak but strong. It appears that many men have lost their strength and prestige. I know exactly what I am mean by that, you will understand better as you read further. If you are a man and you can't overlook certain things and learn to forgive, you might have made some mistakes by misusing the strength God has given to you.