Showing posts with label #Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #Marriage. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Marital Rape in #Nigeria: My Perspective by Oluwatoyin Ogungbayi



Rape is one, if not the most under-reported and consequently under-prosecuted violent crime. Whether perpetrated by a stranger, an acquaintance or an intimate partner; it produces the most disappointing outcomes if prosecuted. Rape cases are often grueling, emotionally daunting for the victim, a crime of immense cruelty, which demands an enormous emphasis on proof in a court of law.

A quick examination of what rape is:

Rape is anal, oral or vaginal sex without consent. Therefore non-consensual anal, oral or vaginal penetration by a person’s spouse is marital or spousal rape.

Discussions around Marital Rape are guarded, sensitive and often unconcluded in the minds of many. Indeed in some societies some are of the position that it is culturally impossible to accuse a man of raping his wife. The popular belief is that spouses-especially the wife belongs to her husband and he can do as he pleases when he pleases and how he pleases so much so that it is unthinkable to suggest that a husband can rape his wife.

I however beg to differ by emphasizing the fact that the most crucial element of rape is the absence of consent. The relationship between the perpetrator and the victim does not take precedence over this ultimate factor of consent. Does it not therefore follow that lack of consent in marriage is rape? Rape remains rape as long as lack of consent is an element and Marital Rape is a despicable reality that affects a fair share of women whether or not it is spoken about and acknowledged.

Examining Martial Rape in the Nigerian context, we must understand the integral role power plays. Powerlessness for women and power for men is portrayed in Marital Rape because power gives the perpetrator the privilege of control of the victim’s body, absolute control to take, regardless of the victim’s willingness. It is used to punish, exert control over the victim and prove masculinity. This control is given, sustained and strengthened by patriarchy. Given that the society is an enabler of the rape culture through power and the dominance of men in the private and public spheres, it follows that a marital rapist believes that he owns his wife, a property that can be used anytime he pleases however he pleases; he believes also that sex is owed him by his wife. The prevalence of child marriage clearly depicts this unequal power relations and the way marital rape is enabled by the society. This sense of entitlement by marital rapists renders consent null and may be an indication that such men through socialization can also commit stranger rape. If so, the society can indeed be more dangerous for women than we thought.

Monday, December 2, 2013

What Lies Beneath


When (the honourable) Arome Ameh sent this story to me *wink*, I just couldn't help but share it with you. This is the ordeal of a lady who saw all the signs, but ignored it. Read more to know what happened next.

My name is Chizoba, a light skinned,well cultured, well educated and gorgeous lady in my early 30′s.
Please listen to me as I tell my story.

Zizi as I was fondly called by family and close friends was a happy-go-lucky girl with a good sense of style, would party hard with friends and study hard for classes, tests and all. truly very smart street-sharp but unknown to my friends except Bianca, I was still a virgin.

It was a sunny afternoon, sometime in 2004, I was running late for a lecture so I picked up my pen and notepad, ran off, got a bike, and we were there in less than 10 minutes, I got off the bike, checked for my money and found none. Too embarrassed for words but I had to do something fast before the bike rider would. Tried to plead before a guy stepped in and saved me from what would have been an unpleasant scene.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Spousal/Marital Rape: A Call for the Protection of Sexually Abused Women by Benita Esuma


Hello everyone, we started a session on sexually abused women (check HERE), this is the concluding part. We hope after reading this, we will be more enlightened.

Can a husband rape his wife?

In my view, a husband can rape his wife repeatedly without being remorseful of his actions of sexual violence because he (in his rights) is making her perform her “wifely duties”. However, this is not a popularly accepted view. The popular view is that rape cannot exist within marriage. What is your view?? (Comments please)

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Spousal/Marital Rape: A Call for the Protection of Sexually Abused Women by Benita Esuma



The increase in rape and sexual abuse cases is alarming.It is not peculiar to any culture, sect or racerather it isa global problem, more like a disease that has plaguedour communities. This menace needs to be nipped in the bud and eventually eradicated. This crime that has ravaged different societies for a long time and still is. Our young men rape and gang rape women, young ladies and now our underage girls. I wonder if it is a need for sexual gratification or the need to be in control.Is there really any justification for rape? The answer is NO!

Rape is a barbaric act perpetrated by individuals who lack self-control, are rejected by women or arepsychotic. Simply put, rape is the unlawful compelling of a person by physical force, coercion or duress to have sexual intercourse without the person’s consent. It could also occur by obtaining consent fraudulently, by getting the victim drunk or drugged.
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