#16Days: Bear with Me by Fatou Wurie (@thefatoublog).

BEAR WITH ME: FOR SIERRA LEONE

SONG:



[Bear with me

Bear with me

Bear with me

Teday teday teday

Mama yooooooooo

Den dey cam den dey cam

Mama den dey cam

Den dey cam]




My dreams are still realities that nestle in profanities

As I smell blood they extract from limbs in deadened streams.

The red sea cries, as Babylon sails, but I’m in salone.

Sweet sweet salone teday

Where assailed voices don’t pass Freetown.

So I’m asking freed slaves to come chain me take me away.

Freed slaves come chain and take me away,

To a land where pain isn’t gain

And rain isn’t placed into the fast lane

Of destruction



SONG [Maaama yoo



Mamama yooooo

Sweet salone

Den dey de diee ohhhhhhhhh]

My mother’s bosom warm with security

Rocks me back and forth forth and back

gestating me back to reality, but my body has memory.

The day they divided my legs....

they forced my honeycomb to burst – explode.

They Shot papa - I say I dey yerie yerie - Uncle done run away to green bushe.

Mama mama cam cam cam

So mama rocks me to the present, present, present

Be here in the present

She soothes and says

na dream you dey dream dream deam

But it feels so damn real that this might be my last meal

paradise don gone na sweet sweet salone.

-

See people ask me all the time isn’t it the place

where diamonds reside?

How is it going by the way?

Last time I checked it wasn’t safe

You know, like there are problems there

I then ask....

-

Where where you when they asked me

Short sleeve or long sleeve

Asked me to love a part of me?

Where were you

When they bitched slapped me

And asked raped or pounded

My dear which will you be?

Where were you

When they burnt

Houses down?

Where were you when they burnt schools down?

Intellects and judges down?

Children and brightened dreams down?

Disempowered minds

Political turnarounds

Left all of us in the dogpound

Bear with me when I cry in the night

Bear with me if I’m still angry deep in side

Bear with me if I smoke to escape

Or if I drink to daydream peacefully..

Bear with me when I freak out in bed

Bear with me when my heart violates to be heard

Bear with me when I scream.

Sweet salone salone

Bear with me

Our stories are spilling.

Sweet salone salone

Bear with me

Death is still grieving.

Den say den day den say salone pikin

Una cam back Una cam Una back cam back

salone pikin dem

Una came back

Una forget!

Una forgive!

Bear with me if I cannot forget

Bear with me if I cannot forgive

For My body, his body, her body, our bodies, my body....

has memory.

Bear with me (3 Times).

Fatou Wurie is a writer, blogger, gender advocate amongst other things. She uses her writings to address social issues as it affects women and children. She is the Founder of The Survivors Dream Project, an organization charged with empowering survivors of  Ebola with life skills. You can read more of her work at www.thefatoublog.com

Featured Post: #Rape is About Power, Not Dress Style by SAMIRA SAWLANI (@samirasawlani)

One would think that a youth affairs minister in any country would be an individual who could be held up as an example to all those youngsters that he or she serves.

According to a Daily Monitor article, Minister Kibuule (a Ugandan Minister) suggests that when a rape is reported, the police should assess how the victim was dressed.

Should it be found that she was wearing miniskirts, tight jeans, bikinis or other ‘indecent’ items, the aggressor should be freed. This trend of ‘victim blaming’ has become a sickness which seems to have taken over the world.

For many years civil society organisations, the media and survivors of rape have spoken out about the treatment by authorities and the police, of women who report a rape.

Rose, (name changed), is 32. Weeks before she was due to get married, she boarded a taxi home at 9pm. as she alighted and began the two-minute walk to her house, three men followed her and began making inappropriate remarks.

One put his hand on her mouth and pulled her into the bush on the side of the road. What followed was a harrowing ordeal where she was pushed to the ground, the first man forcing himself upon her, his weight making it impossible for her to move while his hand covered her mouth.

Poem on #Rape: For Her by Fatou Wurie (@theFatoublog)

FOR HER

This poem is for the girl who like a missing tooth was invisibly visible, 

Left on the sidewalk to cascade heated tears so hard it made sun skip shine for the day. 

This poem is for the girl who is too thick, so slick, to thin, to smart, to pretty, too un-pretty too colored, too black, too white, too brown, too woman all too soon. 

This poem is for the girl whose front tooth like the future that lies between the past and present stood gaped and half full. 

This poem is for the girl whose color was too dark like the marmite spread her mama would saturate on white bread, 

Her mahogany skin not wanted

Shunned in the nicest way possible 

Exotic but not normal Tolerated but not honored

Accepted but not loved

This poem is for her bleached dreams. 

- 

These words are for the girl whose body was too supple and refined

a girl’s soul cased in a woman’s body 

as he rubbed himself on her insiders 

softly at first, leisurely as he pleasured him self-only.

Kneaded her tits like bread-dough,

divided her legs like the second coming of Moses between red waters for his pleasure-only. 

Press Release: Violence against Persons Prohibition Bill (#VAPPBill) – A Call for Presidential Assent by #Choice4Life Advocates

25th May, 2015

After a thirteen-year sojourn at the National Assembly, the Violence against Person Prohibition (VAPP) Bill was passed by the Senate on 5th May, 2015. It was earlier passed by the House of Representatives on 14th March, 2013. While the bill awaited legislative action, thousands of Nigerians fell victim to various forms of violence and many lost their lives. Now that the bill has been passed by both chambers of the national assembly, harmonized and transmitted to the president, we call on President Goodluck Jonathan to further pen his name in the history books by assenting to it immediately.

Sexual violence, a crime the VAPP bill seeks to address appears to be on the rise in recent times.  Adolescents and youths, particularly young girls are the main victims of this form of violence. Unfortunately, 52% of victims do nothing about it (National Demographic Health Survey 2013) due  to minimal support structure on ground. Domestic violence, female genital cutting, electoral violence, and many others have also caused tremendous damages in our national polity.

Troubled by the sufferings of these victims who hardly ever get justice or support, the #Choice4Life  advocates, a group of young Nigerians from diverse ethno-religious and professional backgrounds joined the advocacy for the passage of VAPP bill into law. For the past 13 months that we led the #Choice4Life campaign via social media, television and radio, we observed a high acceptance of thebill by Nigerians.

Press Release: Stand to End Rape Initiative Partners with The Eight Foundation

As a means of expanding and providing more referral centers for survivors of sexual violence, on Wednesday, April 22nd 2015, the Stand to End Rape Initiative team, a leading non-profit organization promoting sexual rights and reproductive health and providing FREE legal, medical and psychological help to survivors of sexual violence visited The Eight Foundation in Lekki Phase 1.

The Eight Foundation is an initiative of Miss Nigeria, Ezinne Akudo and aims at providing a platform where rape survivors can get succor. The rape crisis center has trained psychologists who can counsel both and adult and children survivors.

The centre provides free counselling to survivors and also has a partnership with Easy Taxi to pick the survivors up from any location at no extra cost.

The Executive Director of Stand to End Rape Initiative, Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi expressed her delight to partner with The Eight Foundation and hopes that survivors will embrace this opportunity to speak out.

If you have been raped or abused and need someone to talk to, we are here. Please contact Stand to End Rape Initiative via -

Phone: 08095967000
Email: contactus@standtoendrape.org
           standtoendrape@gmail.com.

You can also conenct with us via our social media platforms -

Twitter: www.Twitter.com/standtoendrape
Facebook: www.fb.com/StandtoEndRape
Instagram: www.Instagram.com/StandtoEndRape

Opinion: Rape and a Few Underlying Issues by @AAABORODE

There is no justification for rape, but we can achieve a significant plus when we cut off 

the extreme indecent dressing rampant nowadays. It is also a significant tool used by the 

perpetrators / rapists to cower their victims into believing it was their fault.

The sudden increase in the number of rape cases in recent times is not just alarming but scary! We are fast becoming regular victims of mentally derailed predators and the war seem like it’s just getting started.

The act of rape isn’t humane; and I see it as an act carried out by people with very low self-esteem and very sad lives. Unfortunately ladies and children are the major victims of these atrocious acts; they are subjected to the forceful act and end up being psychologically damaged for most parts of their lives.

Rape has resulted in cases of abortion, death of many either by suicide or murder and it has sent many to psychiatrist homes. It has aided the spread of sexually transmitted infections and paralyzed the dreams of many. Our environment hasn’t been just to the victims of these barbaric acts.

The victims, in most cases have been left to live in fear and turmoil. They have been made to look like outcasts and their burden has been derided as ‘normal’. We as a people need to understand that no one deserves to be raped and we should help these victims fight the war. The dangers of not helping are countless and it may end up knocking on your door if you think it hasn’t gotten to the grave end yet.

My Take on Akpororo's Joke by Deborah (@dumebiesq) #SayNoToRapeJokes

I woke up this morning to a message from one of my favorite twitter people, Ayodeji Osowobi (@AyodejiOsowobi), informing me that Akpororo had finally apologized for the rape joke. I went on to google the apology and as I read it I had tears flowing from my eyes. Was it because I woke up knowing it's also been a few days over one year since little girls were kidnapped from their school and have been living in captivity in the worst conditions with madmen, most likely being raped on a daily basis. Was it because I was relieved he finally apologized, albeit days later? It was most likely a combination of both. Rape issues and persons affected by it do not receive enough protection in our society.

In a week where the Oba of Lagos threatened Igbos living in Lagos with drowning if they did not carry out his orders, and upon a mighty public backlash, he immediately apologized and his statement immediately disowned by the party he sought to represent. In a week where Kunle Afolayan blamed Igbos as the sole cause of his loss to pirates and upon a mighty public backlash
he immediately apologized. In the same week Akpororo, an Airtel Ambassador, and a Comedian
favored by Christians makes a rape joke, there is a weak public backlash (though I am glad this came from both men and women), little or no condemnation from female celebrities and/or women on power, and no response from Airtel to tweets directed at them, even though they continued to tweet and bother me with their unwanted text messages. Some men on twitter even tried the excuse, “it was just a joke”. How??? I have spoken to persons affected by rape, (I hate to use the word “victim” because I respect the strength it takes to work towards overcoming the effect of rape) they donot ever forget, they constantly work to overcome it.

Joke Gone Wrong: The Tale of Comedian Akpororo

Hello everyone,

Hope we are still having a wonderful Easter break.

Just yesterday, a well respected Nigerian comedian and Airtel Ambassador, Akpororo told a rape joke at the ‪#‎AYLive2015‬ comedy show in Lagos. it won't be out of place to state that he is also a 'Gospel artist.' Interesting isn't it? Fola (@4LaH), a STER Ambassador who was present at the event confirmed the joke that was made, which a twitter follower has confirmed to be true.

The joke:

"He said he was traveling in a bus and saw a girl in the same bus. He was trying to ask her out but she didn't agree. Armed robbers stopped them, collected all their valuables and asked him to strip. Then they pointed a gun at the girl and asked her to strip too. Then they ordered him to have sex with her from behind at gun point. Then he started rolling his waist suggestively and the audience was laughing. He even said at the end have enjoyed it so much he started saying thank you to the armed robbers."

Though the joke was distasteful, what was most surprising is the laugh that pervaded the air. People found it funny. When did abuse become something society will accept via comedy and not accept in reality. Just thinking, will this be thesame people who will join a movement or go on radio and TV to denounce this act? Are these thesame kind of celebrity that will say "I stand to End Rape" in public? Hypocrisy mustn't be celebrated.

We believe telling a joke isn't just about making people laugh, it's people convictions. It also to a large extent determines who the person is and what they stand for. Can you catch an Ali Baba doing a rape joke? We doubt it! There is difference between CLASS and CRASS!

When people tell jokes that promote rape, society should frown at and refute this. There is little or no difference between someone who rapes and the one who tells the story in a way that one will feel comfortable with. Until we begin to understand that we have the power to determine what we listen to and judge as right or wrong, rape jokes will keep flying through our social media and public space.

Rape shouldn't be told to suit an audience. It can be told to touch people's conscience and deter others from indulging in the act.

At Stand to End Rape Initiative, we say NO to ‪#‎Rape‬ Jokes in Nigera and Africa as a whole.

We hope the comedian Akpororo will publicly apologise and moving forward, will desist from such an act.

Marital Rape in #Nigeria: My Perspective by Oluwatoyin Ogungbayi

Rape is one, if not the most under-reported and consequently under-prosecuted violent crime. Whether perpetrated by a stranger, an acquaintance or an intimate partner; it produces the most disappointing outcomes if prosecuted. Rape cases are often grueling, emotionally daunting for the victim, a crime of immense cruelty, which demands an enormous emphasis on proof in a court of law.

A quick examination of what rape is:

Rape is anal, oral or vaginal sex without consent. Therefore non-consensual anal, oral or vaginal penetration by a person’s spouse is marital or spousal rape.

Discussions around Marital Rape are guarded, sensitive and often unconcluded in the minds of many. Indeed in some societies some are of the position that it is culturally impossible to accuse a man of raping his wife. The popular belief is that spouses-especially the wife belongs to her husband and he can do as he pleases when he pleases and how he pleases so much so that it is unthinkable to suggest that a husband can rape his wife.

I however beg to differ by emphasizing the fact that the most crucial element of rape is the absence of consent. The relationship between the perpetrator and the victim does not take precedence over this ultimate factor of consent. Does it not therefore follow that lack of consent in marriage is rape? Rape remains rape as long as lack of consent is an element and Marital Rape is a despicable reality that affects a fair share of women whether or not it is spoken about and acknowledged.

Examining Martial Rape in the Nigerian context, we must understand the integral role power plays. Powerlessness for women and power for men is portrayed in Marital Rape because power gives the perpetrator the privilege of control of the victim’s body, absolute control to take, regardless of the victim’s willingness. It is used to punish, exert control over the victim and prove masculinity. This control is given, sustained and strengthened by patriarchy. Given that the society is an enabler of the rape culture through power and the dominance of men in the private and public spheres, it follows that a marital rapist believes that he owns his wife, a property that can be used anytime he pleases however he pleases; he believes also that sex is owed him by his wife. The prevalence of child marriage clearly depicts this unequal power relations and the way marital rape is enabled by the society. This sense of entitlement by marital rapists renders consent null and may be an indication that such men through socialization can also commit stranger rape. If so, the society can indeed be more dangerous for women than we thought.

Dear Rapist by @AyodejiOsowobi

Dear rapist,

Sure you are feeling cool with yourself right now. You have dehumanized another at the expense of your own pleasure. You have hurt another person to make yourself happy. How do you feel now? Are you proud of yourself and expecting an award? Well, we have a message for you, no you didn't win. Those you have sexually molested are now 'survivors' and are speaking up.

Bisi is just a young girl. Her fault for being raped was trusting you. Yes, you were her favourite uncle and she loved to be wrapped in your arms. I believe you felt the 5-year-old busy was 'feeling you.' She wanted you and couldn't say it...

Some excuses are beyond comprehension, How would you feel if she were to be your daughter? Oh wait, some men actually rape their daughters!

Wondering why the image? Well, I met a lady who shared her story with me. "I blessed the day I came into this world because my mother bore me to you. I smiled when you tossed me in the air and said "my baby girl." I was proud to be called that. But today, can I say thesame? You have taken my innocence because you couldn't control your sexual urge. Now, I am a sex addict. Will anyone listen to me when I say a 28-year-old me is addicted to sex because her father molested her? Will they see it from my point of view that I was launched into a sexual world that I wasn't ready for or will they just see me as a slut. That doesn't hurt. What hurts the most is that I have AIDS." she said.

Well, the goodnews is, she got help. You can get help. There are psychologists and (wo)men who help people in your situation. This is a problem you shouldn't be ashamed of. Speak up just like she did about being raped and she has moved with life just fine.

You might feel victmised, but getting help is the best for you. It's better to be free on the inside than cause pain to others and you remain in pain as well. We are angry about your acts, but have forgiven you.

Please speak to Praise Fowowe on 08037269483 and he will help you. He won't judge you as well. When we know you can't harm any other girl out there, she will be fine -- somewhat.

For rape survivors, please do speak up. Your rapist will only win if you don't break the silence. You can speak to us via 08095967000.

Opinion Ed: The 'Beastly' Abusers by @AbimbolaAbiolaa

Given the recent topics of conversations and the outpouring of comments, the subject of rape, spousal violence and abuse comes up frequently on social media platforms. I think that there are a lot of places people come from on the subjects, especially labeling perpetrators as beasts/monsters. So I thought I'd do a little polling with my own interpretation.

Now one of the things that I sometimes struggle with -- and I'm sure that I'm not alone -- is the way that we tend to dehumanize the perpetrators of violence. It's something that I've noticed in the past, and I would not to do it anymore, but it still happens. There's a tendency in conversations about abuse to start thinking of the perpetrators as beasts. It's a very intentional sentiment, there are plenty of sexist, transphobic, homophobic, or otherwise bigoted progressives.

The fact is, even the best of us are only human. Equally important: even the worst of us are human.

Dear Diary: Rape Took Kode's Life by @Toyin1Coker

On the day Kode was raped, I was shattered!!! Not just because she was my best friend, but because I could have protected her… It’s been 7 years already, 7 very tough years but I remember vividly just like it was yesterday. My scars are re-opened each time I read, hear or see a rape victim because I see a part of Kode in them.

***

On that sunny afternoon, Kode and I just finished swimming at our local pool in our not so elite community, arguing over a bar of chocolate as we walked back home. I noticed some guys walk very briskly towards us and immediately I told her, let’s run! But you know Kode… she is very strong headed she refused… "the streets should be safe enough for us to walk through without getting hurt” she said. I sense danger kode, but she won’t listen. 

As they approached us I ran leaving my best friend behind. As I raced as fast as my feet could take, I heard screams and pleas, it was Kode! And she was in great danger, but I couldn’t stop, my adrenaline rush would not let me. As I got into the compound our families share, our mothers ran out ‘’What happened? Where is your sister? They asked?’’ (We were called sisters, even twins) she’s in danger at quaver street I said. I watched our mothers wail as they ran off. Immediately, I felt a deep sense of guilt, I could not have ran without her. We could have faced them together.

Should Fighting Back to Avoid Rape Equal Death Sentence?

(Photo Credit: www.hurriyetdailynews.com)

20-year-old, Aslan was found burnt in a riverbed in the city of Mersin in Turkey. The psychology student was kidnapped on her way home on Wednesday and the driver attempted to rape her. She reportedly fought him off with pepper spray, but was then stabbed to death and also hit on the head with an iron pipe and that was how Aslan died -- not for probably committing an offence against anyone, but for simply saying no.

We are in a society where people, predominantly women have become prey and can be consumed by these predators anytime, anyday, anywhere. People need to understand that there is need for consent always.

"Yes, let's do this".

"No, let's not do this".

It's very necessary. One can only hope that people would grow to understand the necessity of consent. I'm tempted to ask "Do you enjoy sex when all you hear is screaming and wailing from the other party?" I don't want to think of this. Let's be more human.

Let's respect other people.

Consent is key always. This cannot be overemphasized.

------------------------------------------------------------

We join the women of Istanbul who have held protests so far to express their anger to take a stand to end rape.

Enough is enough. This violence should stop. Let's be more aware and sensitive towards the yearnings of other people.

Join the movement today. Take a stand to end rape.

Raped TWICE! First by a Perpetrator, Second by a Doctor. Zainab Brown (@AdunniBrown) Speaks

(Photo credit: The ViewsPaper)

The second rape I’m referring to in my title is not literal assault by a ‘doctor’ but more so an emotional and mental assault of a sexual assault survivor seeking help from doctors, lawyers and other systems providers. And most times, their friends, families and community members.

Sexual assault is perhaps the only crime in which its victims are victimized first by their attackers and second by legal, medical, and mental health systems (i.e. lawyers, psychologists and nurses) and even members of their communities. This secondary victimization or even “second rape” prohibits survivors of rape1 from thoroughly recovering and in addition perpetuate the idea that a rape survivor, male or female (although statistics show that women are succumbed to rape more than men), is to blame rather than the attacker. Campbell and Raja (1999)2 define secondary victimization as behaviors and attitudes of social service providers that are "victim-blaming" and insensitive, and which traumatize victims of violence who are being served by legal, medical, and mental health systems. This “second rape” by those meant to support survivors, in turn trivializes the crime and results in apathetic and discriminating attitudes towards sexual assault survivors.