Monday, August 25, 2014

Losing Your Virginity to Rape

Being raped, regardless of the circumstances, is always traumatic. Losing your virginity to rape can add an extra layer of pain to an already horrific experience. A person’s virginity can be precious to them in many ways and the impact of its loss through rape can be particularly devastating.


The losing of your virginity has always been significant within most cultures and in today’s society it has become an important rite of passage. Choosing to lose your virginity is seen as an important life event and in western society it plays a large role in many films, T.V. shows and books. If you have lost your virginity to rape then you have been cheated out of making this important choice for yourself and that is a huge loss.

Anyone who has been raped will experience a sense of loss over what happened to them. Being raped can make a person feel that they have lost a part of themselves as well as feeling a loss of control over what happened to their body. Adding the loss of your virginity to this can feel really overwhelming. The loss can be so much bigger than just physically losing your virginity. Many people hold onto their virginity with the hope that they will one day be able to give it to someone special. Some may have been keeping it for their husband or wife, while others may have been waiting for the right person to come into their lives. Whatever you were waiting for, having your virginity taken from you through rape also means that you loose this dream.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Female Side to Rape by Ejura Salihu

Last week's letter 'Dear Aunty Timi' was a heart's cry. If you haven't read it, please read HERE. That letter pictures the pain some have been forced to endure for many years. The scar is carried all through childhood to adulthood with little chance of total healing because the world is not listening to the cries. The muffled screams from a little girl next door while her body and innocence is taken from her forcefully by someone who should protect her, goes unnoticed because everyone is too busy to care. 

Scenarios may differ but the crime remains the same with the child growing up to be an adult with sad broken memories and a stolen childhood. As Miss J narrated her ordeal, the first thing I realised was how she seemed just as frightened as a little girl again, the broken trust still rang through her words. Her only question still remains 'Why Aunty Timi?' There are so many articles, stories out there about abusive uncles, but aunties rape too. It is harder to imagine and easier than you think for it to happen to any toddler. As a parent, when you need a maid, you feel safer getting a female maid since stories of male helps abusing girls is so rampant. A relative calls informing you of a planned visit and you heave a sigh of relief that its your younger sister. Your precious little daughter should be safe right? Hmmm...sadly that is not always the case. Aunties rape too! Female helps molest young girls too and even boys (we will talk about that some other day).

Monday, August 18, 2014

Real Rape: What Nobody is Telling You

He ignored me. He betrayed me. He broke me into a million pieces. It was as if someone had cut me open, slashed deeply into each of my organs and stitched me back up again to live a nightmare-bleeding from the inside out. I didn’t know I had become a statistic for a crime that you never hear about.

We, as a society, hear the word rape and picture a woman being attacked in a dark alley by some drifter. We, as media-educated drones, envision a college co-ed going to a party and being assaulted by a gang of frat boys. We, as women, imagine some sicko holding a knife to our throats to get what he wants. Is that rape? You bet. But, all those scenarios account only a few percentage of the cases reported.

That leaves 72%* of rapes that don’t fit the stereotype. Huh? How can we not know what most rapes are like? That doesn’t make any sense. What we know as rape isn’t the majority. Why? How can it be that so many rapes committed aren’t what we know rape to be? No one wants to talk about real rape. No one wants to put it out there for discussion. No one wants to admit that our society has a large majority of rapes that are unspeakable, let alone unthinkable. Or even worse, society just doesn’t think the majority is as bad as the stereotype. If that’s the case, we’re dead wrong-every last one of us.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Dear Aunty Timi by Ejura Salihu

 It has been twenty years since the last time I saw you and it was a surprise to see you again today. However the surprise is not a pleasant one, it is one filled with anger and pain at a memory half forgotten. I remember feeling like you owed me something I could not ask for the day you left.

You came to me and asked for a hug and a kiss and I relented. Mummy rebuked me and I reluctantly obliged. I remember being angry with mum for days for that. How could she not see her precious little sister was defiling me? How could she not tell I was hurting? I did not understand why I felt like I was betraying the family by being molested by you. I felt naked, ashamed and angry.

Mummy always warned me against allowing boys to touch my wooha but she never said anything about girls or you so I was confused the first time you touched me and forced me to lick your wooha. I cried and begged and hurt when you put your finger in me but I couldn't tell mummy because I didn't know if you had a right to, you told me you had a right to, you said I was just a little girl and little girls obey orders. You lied, you betrayed me. You stayed for only a month but that short holiday changed the course of my life forever.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


I guess that my difficulty in being able to write about women related themes in my writings stemmed from the fact that when I had grown to the level of self-realisation, my mother who could properly guide me through the mountainous range of knowing and appreciating the opposite sex was no more of this earth, or perhaps because I never grew with a female sibling, or even maybe, because I grew up in a conventional Nigerian family , ferociously grounded in morals, where it would amount to a taboo for a man to ever think of stooping so low to the level of a woman (Infact, God help you if Papa should as much as catch you innocently daydreaming about the opposite sex).

I had methodically embarked on a joyous voyage of Thank-God-I-Am-A-Man themed writings. A moment of introspection had awakened in me and opened my eyes to the wonders and amazing world of being a woman. A task which I will not set out here, but suffice it to say that being a woman is a very beautiful experience. That sadly seems to be on a sharp decline as evinced from the various acts of violence against women. Questions after question continually barraged my mind. What if my future wife was someone who had undergone the damaging and traumatising effects of being raped? What if I am nowhere to be found tomorrow, what will be the fate of my future daughters in a world of prejudiced values against women? What if my only sister, had she been alive, grows to become a victim of rape? Worst of all, what if I had been born a girl, who could tell, if I wouldn't have experienced such traumatic moments of being dehumanised and downgraded? As these unanswered questions kept nagging at me, I found myself invariably departing from mainstream Collins; trademark Arikor, who naturally is stone-hearted when it comes to matters concerning the opposite sex. Because whichever way you decide to look at it, the issue of rape touches us all in one way or the other. And then an inner voice told me it was time to wear the shoes of rape victims so as to feel how it pinches; it was time to lend my voice to the dastardly act of rape. This monster called rape.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Rape Goes Both Ways by Buki Otuyemi

As far-fetched as it may sound to many, men and boys do get raped too. Rape is all shades of evil and it is especially hard and traumatic on the victims. One would find it difficult to visualize how men get raped given their physical stature and strength compared to women but the fact remains that men have been disarmed in the past by women (and other men) and raped.

I recall hearing a story when I just got into the university, about how a bunch of ladies raped a randy lecturer that had been sexually harassing a younger student. Also, I have been reading about men being raped in places like South Africa, Europe, etc for many years now. Male-rape have been going on for a long time and while they are not as rampant as female-rape, the devastating trauma the victims go through are not to be trivialized.

Recently in Russia, a 27-year-old female hair-stylist knocked out a 32-year-old would-be male burglar who tried to rob her shop and then tied him up. She was skilled in martial arts and was able to knock him out and subdue him with her skills. She plied him with viagra and raped him several times for three days before releasing him.

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