The society we live in allows/promotes the stigmatization of rape survivors, which we believe is very wrong. Just like we have mentioned on various occasions, indecent dressing and drunkenness isn't an invitation to rape, therefore, it's time to get re-orientated. For the rest of the week, we will be posting pictograms with a message on #VictimBlaming 101. #BeEnlightened.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Myth: You can tell a rapist by the way he looks.
Fact: Rapists are not physically identifiable. They may appear friendly, normal, and non-threatening. Many are young, married and have children. Rapist types and traits however can be categorized.
Myth: Women fantasize about being raped.
Fact: No woman fantasizes about being raped. Fantasies about aggressive sex may be controlled and turned off if they become threatening. In rape, the victim is unable to control the violence and stop it.Myth: A man can't rape his wife.
Fact: Laws against rape in marriage should be enacted. The idea that a man can't rape his wife suggests married women do not have the same right to safety as do unmarried women. Most battered women have experienced some form of sexual abuse within their marriage. It is also known that estranged or ex-spouses sometimes use rape as a form of retaliation.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Confronting rape myths sociologically means looking at the data and reevaluating knowledge in the face of social facts. What follows are a list of rape myths and the facts that bring those rape conceptions into question. They are not always conclusive but provide the ground work for continued research.
Myth: Rape is sex.
Fact: Rape is experienced by the victims as an act of violence. It is a life-threatening experience. One out of every eight adult women has been a victim of forcible rape. While sexual attraction may be influential, power, control and anger are the primary motives. Most rapists have access to a sexual partner. Gratification comes from gaining power and control and discharging anger. This gratification is only temporary, so the rapist seeks another victim.
Friday, December 27, 2013
The President Orders for An Investigation of the Case of Pregnant Factory Worker Beaten by Lebanese Boss
Thanks to Doctor Abdulkareem, who treated her without any deposit (a good person biko!) and we also appreciate our president for giving hears to our cry #JusticeforAlice. This decision was contained in the tweets by Dr. R. Abati. See tweet after the cut.
As a way of healing, we have asked our survivors to always write how they feel and help others in such a situation. This has been in forms of letter, articles and videos. This is another one from @Smartsensitive. If you have missed some of her writeups, please check HERE. Read more...
My heart is amazingly open today. It should have been an awesome Christmas party, but my sister ruined it. It just reminds me that nothing is perfect, our family and friends whom we expect a lot from can still hurt us from what doesn't even exist.
There's a good side to it all. God is still sure and a guarantee. Even when the world abandons us. God is still there holding out arms of comfort to nurse our hurts and help us birth our dreams. I'm listening to worship music, always soothing to my soul.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
If you are healing from sexual assault and you get out of bed in the morning, you are doing well.If you are healing from sexual assault and you hold down a job, you are amazing.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you are still remotely pleasant to others, you are a lot nicer.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot always be there for a friend, you need to think twice, your friends and families need you more.
If you are healing from sexual assault, and find it difficult to care for yourself, but still find the strength to care and love your family, then you are strong as well.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to tell your story, you are brave.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide that you are not ready to tell your story, you are also brave but you NEED to #SpeakOut before its too late.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to tell your story, you are brave.
If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide that you are not ready to tell your story, you are also brave but you NEED to #SpeakOut before its too late.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Wow! 2013 has been amazing because you have supported us just within the short while we started operation. We are out of words to describe how grateful we are. The names to appreciate are just too numerous for us to mention. Your love, support, appreciation of our (little) efforts have been amazing. For reading from our blog, commenting on articles, liking our posts on Facebook, twitter interactions and for everything else; we say thank you!
To all our team members/volunteers, StandtoEndRape/STER has been accepted as a working organisation and that is as a result of your resilient hard work and dedication. We are hopeful for a great year in 2014. We hope to work together to achieve greater heights and impact many more lives.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
From the coordinator of STER.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Just when I was still up in the air about whether a "shitty" apology is worse than no apology at all as regards my previous article, my friend sent me a story about a victim blaming. After reading I asked myself "If I were raped and my rapist blames me for it, in my pain and anger am I expected to forgive him even when he isn't willing to accept responsibility for his actions/the harm he caused me?"
Sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
Often times when rape happens victims are told to forgive their rapists. Now, the first step in how to forgive is to fully acknowledge the pain and anger that came from someone's actions, right? To add to the first step there's need to acknowledge the full scope of the harm done beyond pain and anger and the full scope of what that harm has done to the person harmed.
Even more pathetic is the fact that she escaped the mayhem of Boko Haram in troubled Bauchi State, only to be savaged by the foul, filthy hands and mind of a son-of-the-devil lurking at home, in the heart of Igboland. For her, the rape experience is like a case of running from frying pan into fire. Ngozi’s taste of hell on earth began on Monday, December 16, when she went to her shop behind the Obosi Town hall, Obosi, also in Idemili North LGA to do her normal business of running a beer palour with her elder brother, which he set up to survive the hard times after relocating home in the wake of the incessant Boko Haram bombings in Bauchi.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Violence against women in any form is a crime! Be it verbal or physical assault. The moment he insults you, calls you names, or makes you feel any less of yourself, That's "ABUSE". You're being emotionally beaten. No woman, no girl, no wife, no partner, no girlfriend should EVER, EVER put up with that. If you are a victim of these kinds of abuse, or if you know someone who is being abused, please speak to us. Send us an email: Standtoendrape@gmail.com.
Please spread the word.
Please spread the word.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Relationships and family lives are often glossed up by society and the media as though that is the reality for everyone, yet if we really held the mirror closer against our own society, a disturbing picture of abuse and sometimes violent reality emerges. In the midst of all this are children, who in the absence of any structured and meaningful love and guidance at home, go on to develop mal-adaptive behaviors that will shape their lives and personalities as they develop.
In turn parents may develop poor, authoritative parenting skills, or plain abuse and neglect as the ripple effect of this trauma begins to manifest itself into complex family problems. Some of the effects of this trauma will have lifetime effects and reproduce themselves in future generations.
Over the years I have heard comments such as ‘why doesn’t she just leave’ or stereotypical comments such as ‘that’s how African men treat women.’ Some of these comments are silent; some come from within ourselves, and some from within our own African communities. Although there is a wide body of initiatives and guidelines to further our knowledge on domestic violence, in fact very little is known or has been explored about the context in which African women and men suffer domestic violence.
Friday, December 20, 2013
This is a poetic video explaining why we need to stop violence against women and its effects on women. This video was compiled by a group of young and innovative Nigerians for i2X media Company Limited. Thanks guys, this is is a great one! We hope you enjoy it.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
We started this series and this is the concluding part of her story. For those who missed the first part, read it HERE. We hope you enjoy how the story ended.
After the well wishers had all gone and left us to enjoy our wedding evening, I slipped into the balcony with a bottle of wine, I didn't even bother with a glass. Settled on the chair at the corner, gazing at the birds, flying home as the stars began to make their appearance.
Life must be so easy for them, I thought as I sipped the wine absent-mindedly. Never having to worry about complicated relationships, love, hatred, fear, insecurity! Never having to wake up at night, screaming from a nightmare, almost every night. Never having the man they hate most for a father-in-law! I wished I was a bird, flying high, without a care in the world. As free as a bird. I felt the tear flow down my cheek.
I jerked as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around in shock only to look in the eyes of my least favorite person. What was the mans problem? Could he not just stay away? Or better still, trip on the Ikeja express and be crushed to death by speeding cars? God help me but my life would be so much easier if he decided to just kicked the bucket! I'll even buy him the best coffin!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Nigerian News Desk reports:
The Katsina State House of Assembly has passed a law that prescribes life imprisonment for those found guilty of sexual assault.
The assembly, which amended Section 283 of Katsina State Penal Code Law, Cap 96 of 1991, stated that those found guilty of rape will serve life imprisonment and those found guilty of lesser sexual offences will serve terms of not less than 14 years in jail together with N50 000 fine.
The amendment also requires the offender to pay compensation to the victim.
Earlier before the passage of the bill, the sponsor, Rabiu Idris from Funtua Local Government, had said that the amendment was to ensure that rapists received severe punishment to serve as deterrent to others.
He stressed that the measure became necessary in view of rampant cases of rape in the state.
The Kastina State house of Assembly Speaker, Ya’u Gwajogwajo, directed the legal department of the house to prepare a clean copy of the law and forward it to the state governor for assent.
Earlier, the house had passed a law, which was signed by the governor, prohibiting homosexuality, lesbianism and sexual harassment in the state.
The law prescribed 14 years imprisonment on conviction and N10 000 liable for offenders.
I couldn't be happier. Yesterday, we were formally introduced to our families. Sam comes in to "thief fish" from the pot of egusi soup. He is so naughty. He hugs me from behind and whispers in my left ear, 'I can't wait for this to be permanent.' 'I can't wait either.' I say amidst chuckles. 'Thank God we don't have too long to wait anymore.'
'Yeah. Thank God. He must love me sooooo much he gave you to me.' I laugh even more. Sam and his sugar coated tongue.
The doorbell rings. 'I'll get it.' I say as I leave the kitchen. I rush to the living room to open the door. Blood drained from my face leaving me as pale as death. The smile on my face is replaced by a look of shock as recognition sets in. Cold shivers run down my spine and memories race in.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
A 23-year-old man (name withheld) has been remanded by an Osogbo Chief Magistrates court yesterday, for allegedly attempting to rape a nursing mother.
Adebayo Lasisi, the Chief Magistrate, ordered that the accused be remanded in Ilesha Prison, pending ruling on his bail application.
The case was however, adjourned the case to January 14, 2014 for ruling in the bail application of the accused.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Last week, we reported that six men believed to be cultists, raped a 16-year-old girl secondary school girl in Akure, Ondo State (read HERE). Sahara Reporters have updated with this video of two of the six cult boys arrested by the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC).
The men, said to members of a cult group known as Blue Angel, saw the girl as she was returning from school, they stopped her, took her to their hideout and raped her. All six of them. They recorded the act with a mobile phone and threatened to post the video online if she told anyone what happened.
Fortunately she did and two of the rapists, Wale Fadahunsi, 28, and Banji Olaseinde, 25, have been arrested, while four others are on the run. Those on the run include Tope Oluwole; Tope Jigan and Muyideen. The two that were arrested were paraded a few days ago where they confessed to raping the helpless girl whose identity is being concealed because of her age.
We hope they apprehend the remaining four heartless men that abused our angel.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
The Chairman of the Ibadan chapter of the Nigeria Bar Association (NBA), Olusegun Abimbola, has advocated life imprisonment for convicted rapists. Great news you think?
Mr. Abimbola disclosed this to newsmen today in Ibadan.
According to him, rape has become rampant, and therefore, becoming necessary to impose a stiffer penalty on rapists.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Hello STER readers, one of our readers sent this article to me. I thought I should share it with you (though it's not new) and yea, you will be startled! Come to think of it, is religion promoting rape? Read more...
In the City of Wassenberg in Western Germany a woman has been found guilty of seducing and raping eight men in the first case of its kind in Europe. Maria Heidelsohn aged 18 alleges that on the afternoon of August 23rd she was pulled away by eight men from the porch she was sun bathing on and carried into a small shed in which she was brutally and repeatedly gang raped. Heidelsohn alleges that she cried for help repeatedly until she was bound and gagged, she then claims that she was beaten severely and both of her arms and one leg were broken.
Wassenbeg Police Chief Abdullah Al Hussein contends that there is no evidence Heidelsohn did not injure herself or ask a friend to injure her in order to attempt to frame up her alleged attackers. The Police Chief noted that no male adult Muslim men saw the attack occur to corroborate her story despite the area being largely Muslim. In the large German town new legislation passed overwhelmingly last year stipulates that four adult male Muslim witnesses are necessary in order to corroborate any charges made by a woman in accordance with traditional Islamic jurisprudence.
But, the thing about apologies is that they don't mean anything at all if they're not sincere. Now, a lot of times, particularly if you've really screwed up, the sincerity of an apology is going to be under question. After all, if you've made a major mess of things, there are likely some hurt and/or angry people questioning you and your motives. Which is to be expected. Part of making a sincere apology is realizing that people may or may not accept your apology. If you've hurt people, they're under no obligation to read your apology and say 'Oh, well then, that's fine.'
Friday, December 13, 2013
Sorry peeps this is coming late, but for those who haven't seen it, this is an opportunity for you to. It's been reported that six boys suspected to be members of a cult known as Blue Angel, have allegedly gang raped a 16-year-old secondary school student in Akure, Ondo State capital.
The boys, who reportedly recorded the act with their mobile phone, while taking their turns on the girl, threatened to upload it on the Internet if she dares to report them to her parents or the Police.
However, two of the alleged rapists have been arrested by officials of the state command of the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps, NSCDC, while four others are on the run.
The victim (names withheld) said that the six boys blindfolded her and threatened to rip her open with knife if she failed to cooperate.
A Report has reached us from IReporters TV that a suspected rapist in Lagos met his waterloo when he was accosted early yesterday morning by an angry crowd.
The man was said to be making an attempt to sneak away with an eight-year-old girl who he had just raped. The girl was reportedly bleeding from her vagina.
The suspect was intercepted along with his victim at about 8 a.m. yesterday around Akogun Street in the Olodi Apapa area of the state.
An eye witness said that the victim is in hospital presently undergoing treatment due to injuries she sustained from the rape.
The residents of Olodi Apapa were angered by the incident and they took justice into their own hands by beating the kidnapper half to death.
Watch video HERE.
My post is actually something that's been rolling around in my mind. Nowadays, at least twice every week the media reports the brutality, and dangerous behaviours faced by children. Many children are being abused in the worst possible manner. On top of that, one of the things that really hit me is how openly some people (parents inclusive) express their hatred of children. They are generally seen as a group that is okay to hate.
I've been trying to figure these out on-Why is it that children are being abused? What is it about children that such people tolerate so much bigotry towards them? Now children are the most radically disempowered group of human beings in the world.
Cross-culturally, they have no political power, their daily lives are completely out of their control, they are surrounded by people three times their size and strength who rule every aspect of their lives, unlike any group of adults in this culture, they can be legally struck, and any possible redress they have against abuse requires them to find an adult who will help them. Would any reasonable human being not throw the occasional temper tantrum in such a situation?
Thursday, December 12, 2013
I was gang raped 15years ago, when I was 13 years old.
Ever since that day 15years ago, I have been intensely aware of the misconceptions people have about rape, about those who rape and those who survive rape. I have also been aware of the stigma that attaches to survivors. Time and again, people have hinted that perhaps death would have been better than the loss of that precious“virginity.” I refuse to accept this. My life is worth too much to me.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
The Police in Imo State, recently, rounded up the brain behind the death of a 12-year-old girl, Ifunanya Favour Iberi, who was declared wanted two months ago by arresting a 34-year-old man identified as Samuel Chukwunyere. Police alleged that the suspect was responsible for raping the teenager to death and dumping her lifeless body in a deep well.
The missing little Ifunanya was last seen by members of her family on Sunday, October 13, 2013, when she could not return to their house after her day’s routine activities. Apparently worried by the scaring development, her parents immediately alerted the Imo State Police Command. Their passionate appeal to the Commissioner of Police, Katsina was very simple. 'You must please, assist us find our missing daughter.'
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Hello everyone, thanks for always taking time out to visit our blog. For those of you who are familiar with our #SpeakOut sessions with various survivors such as @Abdulhabiba12 (read HERE) and @Smartsensitive (read HERE), you would have noticed that we've been posting inspirational and educative/nformative articles they themselves have written (read HERE, HERE and HERE). This is from @Smartsensitive, we hope it ministers to you.
Writing has always been my passion. For a long time after I got raped all my creativity was stifled including my voice. I couldn't wake up in the morning and smile, I used to drag my body out of bed and look dowdy everyday and be like, 'at least no one wants to rape me now.' That's one of the signs of abuse; you could say some of it was PTSD. It is a form of depression army or marine offices sometimes get after being in the war. You could say rape is a kind of war, you deal with the after effects afterwards, one thing you know is that you want to get better, you just don't know when your emotions will get back in place. If I can get better, I know that you can.
Monday, December 9, 2013
This is unbelievable! A rape victim was sentenced to six months imprisonment and she's not allowed to leave Mogadishu! Crazy right? Read more...
According to BBC News, a 19-year-old woman who alleged she was raped has been given a suspended jail sentence by a court in Somalia.
I hope people really know that rape victims are going through a lot. While some people and organizations are working hard to stop the stigmatization on rape victims, some people are ready to keep the stigmatization going.
RAPE SURVIVORS, you have to brace yourself for the reaction you will get from people, you will lose friends, family, people will talk badly about you, they will stay away from. I experienced all these. Some people wish they have the courage to #SpeakOut, but are really scared of what people will say.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
It has been reported that the First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, has called for stiff penalties, backed by effective laws for perpetrators of sexual violence against women.
Mrs Jonathan spoke in Paris, France on Friday, at the advocacy meeting on sexual violence against women. During the debate of child marriage in Nigeria, it can be recalled that Mrs Jonathan kept mute, but it's great to know she advocates against sexual #ViolenceagainstWomen *grin.*
The meeting was hosted by the First Lady of France, Ms Valerie Trierweiler, on the sideline of the Elysee Summit for Peace and Security in Africa holding in Paris.
This is intended to educate people on who really is the victim in a rape situation. Please read and let us know what you think. This was written by +Nonso Anyasi, a man who has joined us in fighting this menace in #Nigeria. Read more...
We hear stories of young girls being raped every day.
We see pictures of ladies; assaulted, battered and bruised.
Girls, whom a future so bright lay
Cut short by maniacs walking in trousers
Who should be in the zoo; or best without clothes.
‘Cause that’s where they belong- amongst relatives.
You see a girl clothed, and hormones rage.
Your mind plays tricks upon your brain
Your eyes wander on a journey of discovery
Aided by your wild imagination, and assisted by your target
A theory forms, which you quickly discard.
You are after all a gentleman.
Friday, December 6, 2013
This video explains what women have gone and still go through. This is giving a voice to the victims of Rape and Domestic Violence. We hope this will touch you and spur you to join us in this fight to #EndRape and eliminate all forms of #ViolenceagainstWomen.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
It's appalling to know that men find pleasure in raping minors.
Emmanuel Nwele, 45, was apprehended on the allegation that he had forced sexual intercourse with his friend’s 11-year-old daughter. He was actually caught in the act by the girl's father.
The crime was revealed by the state police commissioner while parading Nwele and other suspects.
She did what?
Those were the first words that came out of the police officer’s mouth, he stared at me and from the look in his eyes, and he had already tried, judged and sentenced me to death.
I'm sorry, my name is "Lola", I am 26 years old, single and I work as a receptionist at a real estate firm, and I was raped by my neighbour on my way to work, funny thing is, I told the better part of this story from a holding cell, and I got bailed out by the writer.
I live in a small neighbourhood, you know the type where everyone knows your name, and you know everyone’s name also, so you can imagine how it feels to have something like rape happen to you, and everyone turns on you and tries to blame you for it.
My attacker is well known to me, in fact our parents attend the same church, and they are or were pretty close. He had been making advances at me for a while now, but honestly I really didn’t find him as being the kind of guy I wanted to have a serious relationship with, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think little of him neither did I think he was a bad person, at least not then, but I didn’t find him attractive enough, and I have never been one to date someone out of pity or material gain, so I kept letting him down gently.
Vanguard Newspaper reports that 19-year-old Usman Joshua, has been arrested by the police in Ado-Ekiti for allegedly defiling a three-year-old girl. (names withheld).
Joshua, who is a co-tenant with the toddler’s parents, was said to have lured her into his room with biscuit at about 5:05 p.m. on November 3, 2013.
Her mother, Wuraola, said she noticed that her daughter was not feeling comfortable when she returned to their apartment by evening of the said day.
A closer look by her mother showed that the little girl had been defiled. She told her mother that she was playing within the compound when Joshua told her to come for biscuit.
The United States government is planning new strategies to prevent and respond to violence against women in Nigeria.
At an event to commemorate the #16Days campaign on #ViolenceagainstWomen in Abuja on Tuesday, the Deputy Chief of Missions of the United States Embassy in Nigeria, Maria Brewer, described the rising cases of violence against women globally as worrisome.
In different works of art, students in the Federal Capital Territory depicted what violence against women meant to them, an unusual way adopted by the U.S. to commemorate the 2013 International Day Against Domestic Violence.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Dear STER readers, a twitter follower sent this to me and thought I should share it with you (unedited).
"I want to make this as short as I can, there's this girl who stays opposite my flat, she lives with her elder sister., she just finished sec school. Her sister and I are close but she's never around., left home early everyday and come back late at night, so when I do return from work her Lil sister always come around coz she don't wanna be bored alone, and I do actually enjoy her company we became so close like she's my sister, but recently., last week Friday to be precise she entered my apartment with a really tight dress showing the extent of how big her butt is (which was quite big) she was also holding another dress. Continue to read the rest of the story
Monday, December 2, 2013
When (the honourable) Arome Ameh sent this story to me *wink*, I just couldn't help but share it with you. This is the ordeal of a lady who saw all the signs, but ignored it. Read more to know what happened next.
My name is Chizoba, a light skinned,well cultured, well educated and gorgeous lady in my early 30′s.
Please listen to me as I tell my story.
Zizi as I was fondly called by family and close friends was a happy-go-lucky girl with a good sense of style, would party hard with friends and study hard for classes, tests and all. truly very smart street-sharp but unknown to my friends except Bianca, I was still a virgin.
It was a sunny afternoon, sometime in 2004, I was running late for a lecture so I picked up my pen and notepad, ran off, got a bike, and we were there in less than 10 minutes, I got off the bike, checked for my money and found none. Too embarrassed for words but I had to do something fast before the bike rider would. Tried to plead before a guy stepped in and saved me from what would have been an unpleasant scene.
There has been a couple of derogatory messages with regards to our article titled "Every Man Is a Rapist If..." (read HERE). This a follow-up article to clear things and ensure we are not misunderstood.
Recently I've been bombarded with some ill conceived notion/comments as regards my article on "Every man is a rapist if..." In the second paragraph I wrote that "we do not want our male readers to get the wrong idea that we're declaring every man a rapist. By careful reading I expect readers to understand the message in it also that I mean no harm and yes that I'm a feminist doesn't mean I'm man-hating. Feminism has to do about equal rights for women and men not hate on men.
I want to clarify that "Every man is a rapist If..." is not the same thing as "Every man is a rapist." It doesn't mean that every man would rape if given the chance nor every man wants to rape. What it means is that a rapist do not have marks or visible signs on his foreheads to identify him as one. It means that even people within a victim circle of trust and friendship can be the very person who rapes her.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
We know music unites people. Various artists came together to sing, asking the world to Stand Up against Rape! Please join us as we take a #StandtoEndRape. We hope you can pick the accent though, lol! Enjoy...
It is with a heavy heart that we start our reports for this month on such a note. The Vanguard reports that, police detectives in Akure, Ondo State, are working tirelessly to unravel the circumstances that surrounded the death of a 4-year-old pupil of Falaye Memorial Nursery and Primary School located at Fanibi area, Elizabeth Wanogho, after her parents alleged she was sexually assaulted by one of her teachers. However, the school authorities claimed that little Elizabeth was neither assaulted nor beaten, and accused her father of being complacent over her treatment after she fell sick. The father of the girl, Ovie alleged that his daughter was beaten to death because she reported to him that her teacher sexually assaulted her and pleaded that justice be done by the police and the matter should not be swept under the carpet.
Sorry everyone, this is coming really late! We just want to wish our #StandtoEndRape team, readers, subscribers, followers and loved ones a Happy New Month. Thank you for supporting us in all spheres. You have made our work worth it. God bless you! Welcome to the Month of December! It shall be a great month for you in Jesus name.