Thursday, January 2, 2014

Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Marriages?

As I sat to watch a movie called "Unforgivable," I saw a man who raped and physically abused his wife. This got me thinking '...what was going on?' When did it become acceptable for men to rape their wives? Why are women so quiet about sexual violence? Is it the fear of losing their marriage or because society has taught women to be quiet about such an incident?

Society itself contributes to this menace. Women are mostly not given the opportunity to air their opinion in marriage (even in this present age). They are seen as second class citizens, humans below men, fragile beings and sometimes as mere properties men purchased -- through bride price. This has relegated women to taking the back position. A position where women don't see the need to #SpeakOut.

Women have to change the way they view themselves. Hey, the way you view and place yourself is the way a man will handle you. Women must gain the confidence to express themselves in marriage. Marriage is a partnership, it isn't a one man venture. It has been said countless times, "if a man hits you once, he will hit you again." It is amazing when women stay in abusive marriages in the name of "He will change." What if he never changes? Are you going to keep hoping until he beats life out of you?

Women it is time to stop hiding under the disguise of been a faithful wife/spouse. An abusive marriage has nothing to do with humility and reverence for your spouse. If he hits you, #SpeakOut, talk to organisations that (you know) can help you or better still pray. If worse comes to worse; take to your heels before he takes your life. This is your year to walk in your freedom, don't be under the shackles of commitment by staying in a marriage that could possibly end your life. We are however not asking women to divorce their husbands or abandon their homes, we are only asking that they don't suffer in silence.

This is a call on women. It's time to #SpeakOut, take back your freedom.


  1. Anonymous8:30:00 AM

    Insightful, but after speaking out what happens? Will the NGO change the man? Divorce and separation comes into play here.

    1. Thank you.

      After speaking out, organisations focused on domestic violence will be able to help them get a new life (if they wish to separate/divorce their spouse). This could be in form of a house, job, business or something to make them self dependent.

  2. It's easy to tell women what to do when in an abusive marriage, but let's not forget that there are many other things to be considered. For example, if there are children, whose custody will they be under? What stops the man from marrying another woman and doing the same to her? How many NGOs are capable and what are their contact details?

  3. Anonymous1:13:00 PM

    Yes I do agree with you that women should speak up . As it it now,these men(those involved in this) no longer have regards for their wives, treating them like mere housekeepers and baby making machines. . I pray for a day in Nigeria where women can stand up fully for them selves,speak up and come out of abusive marriages without too much damage to their psyche. . Enough is Enough! Haba!

  4. Anonymous1:32:00 PM

    I'm in an emotionally abusive marriage (he doesn't hit me ) and want so much to leave this man but he holds an ace over me. My children. I don't earn much and fear he may not let me see them, he has done so on several Occasions. He talks down on me ,treats me bad and ignores me, I moved out once but was begged to come back for the kid's sake. I know within me that I cannot continue like this. For how long will I play the goody two shoes wife? Haven't made love in a year plus now and not eating my food. I AM TIRED. :(

    1. Dear Anonymous, I just want to say that I am really sorry for what you are going through. I know that many women face the same. It may sound trite but I pray God grants you wisdom in this matter. I do know that He does not intend for women to be treated like crap and what you have is not marriage but emotional slavery. I'm sorry.

  5. I do not believe that any woman needs to stay in an abusive relationship. A woman is a human being, not a punching bag for an unstable and obviously inadequate man. As to the 'he will change' premise: yeah, he may...but he can do so from a distance without you there to be on the receiving end of his rage.



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